Blather / OMG, How've you BEEN??

Sound the alarm; I have taken to the keys!

Feels so good to be back. I could have done this earlier (God knows I wasn't busy working on my novel...), but there was that week when we were in Maine, that week after where it was the week after and then some other weeks where blahblahblah, excuses. *In best Eddie Izzard:* So! What's going on, eh?

At this point, the weather has essentially mimicked every damn season Earth (and probably other planets) have to offer. Such is life in the Northeast states! And it's all fine becauuusse... It's APRIL, BAYBEE. Late April, to be a little more specific. And as such: It is Taurus Season. A.K.A.: another silly excuse to be in a good mood. (This is what Astrology should be used for: finding patterns, having fun and making excuses to be happy.) The decent - if not confusing - weather and the amount of time I've spent down here has made me infinitely more comfortable with scouring the internet for fun little events in the neighborhood. This has pushed me to try new things: J was nice enough to accompany me to a local live music scene the other night. Both bands were great and I got to experience a night I had no idea I even needed. I also absolutely loved the venue. 

As soon as you walk in: it's dark, moody lighting... but not in a dangerous way (amiright, ladies???). To your left you have the bar, fitted proper with popular brands and a very cool tender. To your right you see tacky, faux-regal furniture with patterned wood and red cushions. You walk a little further, realize that - yes, it is your favorite White Stripes song playing over the speakers. Because tonight is a Rock night. And (as much as I worship them) White Stripes is a generic Rock band, sure to please the masses. You walk a little further and see very clearly that the entire level you have been placing your steady steps on is actually raised and below it, in front of your very eyes (and a few little tables with stools) is a dance floor. And beyond that: a stage! You get your drinks and you get your seats and as soon as the band enters the stage and counts their first song, you feel it. The bass. The bombastic, rhythmic vibration from your wild (or not so wild) youth. You are not reliving your glory days, it is so much better than that. You are remembering the familiar rush of being so physically close to the music. You are wondering why it took you so long to return. And to appreciate it in a new, possibly elevated, way. 

So anyway, that was one night. 

I also have museum exhibits ahead of me, as well as some new breweries to check out (suggested by a man that interviewed me down here. He quoted Futurama. I'm pretty sure I can trust him). Also: Food Trucks!! And normally I would count myself very dismissive of such festivities, but this is Vegan-Town, baybee. They're bound to at least have a vegan option amongst the crowd. 

And, let's just be honest here: as soon as the weather picks up anything is a super fun / enjoyable experience / way to spend your afternoon. Even just walking outside in it!

I have been going for a walk about every day just to have an excuse to get out in it. I used to live in a place with a porch. All I did when it was nice out was just sit out there and listen to music. Maybe have a coffee / seltzer / adult beverage and smoke. Now I do not have a porch, so I must be clever and make excuses to be outside. Just wanna pop out? Have a smoke. Wanna enjoy it for a little longer? Go for a walk. Need a reason to go for a walk? Get a coffee. 

Other than that (what even was that?) I've been up to the same nonsense I am always up to. I am cooking, eating, drinking, sleeping, reading, writing, talking, joking, laughing, learning, singing, driving, adventuring. Less yoga, but still doin' it every once in a while. Going out to eat here is still a trip. 

I can't wait for my birthday dinner. 

Also: I miss my mother and will certainly plan a visit as soon as I get a job squared away down here.

New Town, New State

 "...I wanna wake up in a city that never sleeps.." - Frank Sinatra: (Theme From) New York, New York

It has been about 6 months since I have picked up and moved across state lines, once more! It has gone by in a flash while simultaneously assuring me that I have never lived anywhere else. I have always been here. I was always meant to be. I am comfortable, I am peaceful, I am excited. And that's only the shit-weather months! Imagine how wonderful it will be once the snow completely melts; once the 20's and 30's turn into 60's and 70's. (Dammit, I love warm weather.)

The apartment is cozy and when we come home from trips: it smells like us. It houses our things and our plants. It is the place where I cook our meals (most of them, anyway. Friday's pizza day. We don't argue with pizza day). It is where we rest our heads and where I am kept safe. It is where our friends join us for drinks and games and general tomfoolery. It is where - just outside - Jasper is parked: tucked safely in the designated parking spot in the back. 

The neighborhood is calm and alive at the same time. It is where we walk to the local coffee shop. Where we have seen countless owner-and-dog pairings (we spotted seven just driving around the corner the other day. So much floof). It is where we see cats and rabbits and foxes and hear birds sing. It houses the park bench that we walk to in nice weather. 

The city holds countless restaurants, most with food so delicious you will think you are dreaming. Coffee shops owned by local calming personalities. Where I go to hole up and get writing done (at least once a week). Where the espresso anxiously awaits my order: double shot on ice, please. The bars and tenders within them are filled with expression, beauty and charm. They will take your order, remember it and remember you. Where I come in craving a negroni, but can't manage to bring myself to order anything but the house special; taking full advantage of the talent within the walls. 

I know I am still in the honeymoon phase (of so many things), but I love this place. 

Veganism & Minimalism

It has been about two years since I decided to adopt the vegan lifestyle.

First of all, I feel that I must say that the vegan lifestyle appears to be similar to minimalism; what veganism means to one person may not be identical to the next person's definition. One minimalist may only allow themselves to own the clothes on their back, another may only allow themselves the amount of items that will fit in their backpack, and the next will allow themselves the usual lifestyle, while simply being more active about keeping their purchases intentional (no casual shopping and only keep the clothes, books, food that are certain to give you joy/contentedness).

One vegan may not consume honey while the other will. There is an argument to be made about thrift store items: are we allowed to purchase leather if it is second-hand? The beauty of this is that it is up to the individual (as far as I am concerned). I, for example, only vow to do my very best because I know I am not going to fool myself about what "my best" is. I know I will continue to be diligent about not consuming animal products in my diet. I will refuse food. I will check the tag for wool and leather, but I will admit that there are some items that I had before I went vegan slip through the cracks. For me, it is a "from now on" and "to the realistic best of my knowledge" scenario.

At any rate.

I have had such an incredible experience with veganism and minimalism. I feel as though they went hand in hand for me. I found out about the concept of minimalism as I was researching veganism and decided "what better time to get rid of the things I don't need?" I started with my refrigerator and went from there. Since adopting minimalism, I have refocused and decided to live a life of intention. Which bridged into my diet/what I was eating and drinking, specifically. I never really was one for much junk food and had been off of sugary drinks for quite some time, but with the marriage of V & M, I was simplifying what I could eat (just getting down to basics so that I would be less likely to mess up my vegan diet / so I could build a decent foundation for it) even more, and for the better!

I was certainly allowing myself all the calories, carbs, fats and proteins that I wanted (didn't want to get overwhelmed, plus I've never really been one to count calories, etc... and now hardly seemed like the time to start). I basically drank water, tea and black coffee, so that was already taken care of. I was never much of a picky eater, but even so, if there was a food I had been afraid to try/buy on the regular (like mushrooms, for example), I forced myself out of that and decided to allow myself literally any foods as long as they were not animal products (and now I like mushrooms. I eat them every day. They make their way into just about every meal). At first this clean slate of allowance and adventure was just to experiment and to make it a bit more possible to go out to eat at a restaurant. I am glad I did this, however, because since deciding I like mushrooms (among other things), I have discovered that I love Thai food, Vietnamese food and Korean food (bonus new food: kimchi).

*** This part of the post is old ^^^ I've been vegan for... 5/6 years?? Not sure.***

So wild to look back on this one because I have wildly upped my cooking game and palate. (And I can barely even imagine a world without kimchi?!?) I am, by far, a less-constrictive minimalist than when I started. But I'm so glad I began with a strict practice because it better-trained me (leaps and bounds!) to purchase and keep and do with intention. My addiction to fashion has lessened and resulted in a wardrobe of things I love. And on my most recent move through a couple states I was able to very easily rid myself of my little cot bed, desk and chair. In fact, other than my plants, everything I brought fit in my Fiat. Not bad at all!

I do not foresee myself shedding my veganism any time soon - in a body swimming in insecurities, it is one of the things I always like about myself. It doesn't hurt that my entire relationship with veganism has been a pleasant one: introducing me to delicious foods and flavors I have fallen in love with. (Thai & Korean are still the best!!)

Weddings

also an old draft. i'm doing some spring cleaning. 

The following is the unprovoked opinion of a person who very much has never been married. Please disregard. You're probably right. 

As far as weddings go, I think my sister got it right:

   invite few
   no strangers (ordain-a-friend)
   casual after-party/gathering
   let people wear what they want.
   keep "God" out of it, if you are not religious.
   (keep "God" in it, if you are.)

We have all been instilled with this impression of weddings being so stressful and massive and unnatural. Holy scriptures, irrelevant context, strange ritual and rule. People who have never set foot in a church, never laid a hand on a Bible, plan their event to the teeth; priest and all. And, of course, by "their event" I mean "everyone but theirs". After all, every wedding I have attended thus far has felt as though it has been much more for others than the actual bride and groom; the parents. The family. The extended family. Even the vegetarians get to have a plate made up special, just for them.

And before you sling some hokum at me about how it's about everyone else because it's a ceremony to "publicly profess your / each other's love"; why are you doing that? What is that for? Isn't it enough you love each other? Seems a little insecure and un-romantic to me:

"You guys saw that, right?? He said he loved me - we have WITNESSES"

(And photographic evidence!)

Isn't the whole ring thing a kind of public profession? (Professing? Ugh. To profess, i.e.: one's love.) And if you truly find it necessary to do so, why not do it in a way that is more true to you (both of you - if you can't be nice to each other and compromise on this, I am uncertain how well you will fair once the ceremony is over)? And if you'd like to dress up - no shame in the game! Go for it. There are no rules against wearing a princess gown in public. I know. I've done it. And if you're a little insecure about doing so: just ask a friend to follow you both with a camera, taking shots every once in a while. Nobody questions you when someone is taking photos. It's the ultimate "explain-away" for nearly every situation. 

As far as your loved ones' schedules and attires: don't be a dick. For the love of God (since you're pretending to be religious); think of your loved ones! Just a little consideration, please. If they cannot afford 700.00 suits / gowns / shrouds, don't be that guy. While you're at it: if they can't afford that, they probably can't afford a destination wedding in Bali. Not to mention the pain in the ass it is for some to get days off of work for the full length of the festivities. ("Oh, Greg, why don't you stay?? It's Bali!" "Some of us have to work, Cheryl.")

Again: if you are religious (or at least very, very old), this blog will not apply to you. I understand completely why religious people would do it. They have practices. They "relig", if you will. They're doing it every Sunday (or what-have-you), what's one more day? No, I am not questioning their approach - there are so many things I do not understand in this world, some days it is better to simply "drop it" - I do question the non-religious. And most of the people I know are not religious. Ergo: this blog. 

Bottom line: I think people should do what they want on their wedding day, should they have one. (As always: cause no harm, dears.) At the end of the day: it is not for me to understand. It is your day. 

Intention

here's an old draft I finished while putting off the short story I should be writing. enjoy. 

Intentions can get you out of quite a pickle.

the irony, of course, being that if your intention is to avoid said pickle, they will likely get you out of absolutely nothing. 

Although I cannot speak for everyone, I find myself focusing on intent more often than not. It sounds sweeter than it is. I mean, sure, it comes in handy when someone makes a mistake around me:

"Oops, sorry, I made your espresso wrong - I'll make it again!"
"I didn't mean to frustrate you."
"Sorry I dragged you to the Tron remake."

On the other hand; I also tend to passively read people and am often deafened by their body language and patterns. Even when this is contrary to their apology:

"Oops, sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you" says the sad man, slithering through the bar. To the woman in a tight dress. Yuck. 

Well if you're going to damn the apologizing party to a non-apology by way of suspicion... you'd better be right. So how does one know when one is right? The truth is: I just know. I go by instinct. When one is to "go by instinct", one will inevitably eventually be incorrect. But so will one who will "go by evidence". I find that reading detective novels / watching movies of the like had taught me that evidence will only take you so far. At some point, you will need to call up your gut instinct. Your ability to read individuals. Because no puzzle is completely solved by using only the scene of the crime. That's why the detectives question everyone. You'd be a pretty silly detective if you simply believed everything everyone told you. You would ask everyone to first see if everything in everyone's story lined up while shortly thereafter considering everyone's body language / inflection / what language they used, etc...

Man I love detective stories. 

At any rate. 

I - selfishly - adore others when they adopt this practice. As long as they're not simply constantly so suspicious of everything that they are never able to read good intentions, that is. Not only because I will then have another brother-in-arms, but also because I know I will be incredibly unlikely to hurt them. I do a lot of strange things and some of them are things I should not be doing. Most of them - by a landslide - are not done with an intention to injure anyone, inside or out. There are some things I just don't get / understand / think about. Not from lack of trying, I can assure you. My intentions are good. And these brother-in-arms types will know that for certain (unless their "guts" are broken) while knowing they can take me at face value. 

And when people in my immediate company do not understand that? Well, that's a different story. You win some, you lose some. 

Eavesdropping

 It matters not if you are a nosy or not-nosy person; at some point or another you have eavesdropped. 

I have recently done a passive dropping of the eaves in the tattoo parlor I was recently at. Here was the sitch:

the tattooed was sharing with the tattooer that she had gone to Disney... land, world, whatever. And professing her ever-casual feelings of Disney rides and her deep affinity for the Harry Potter world. She went on to describe the HP attraction as I felt my attention span slowly drift away. 

I felt relieved that I was not the tattooer. 

I have absolutely no interest in hearing about an adult's serious admiration and undying allegiance to a children's attraction. Not in this plain-and-tall fashion, anyway. I'll listen to pretty much anything if you can beef it up with a few good punchlines. And I would also have been ever-attentive if it had been a loved one talking. But in my mind I had already decided what kind of person the tattooer - and what kind the tattooed - had been and were. They were not friends or family. One of them was gabbing the way one might at a salon (which is where anything goes because no one's really listening, anyway) and one of them was getting paid to be in very close, quiet, non-hair-drying distance to the first. 

Meanwhile: Today in the cafe:

a: "I'm just like an energetic, chaotic person"

b: "yeah"

a few sips of my espresso later...

a: "I like people who like mushrooms."

b: "well, mushrooms are good."

a few minutes later...

a: "I like trees, too"

b: "yeah, trees are smart"

b goes on to explain how photosynthesis works, in solemn wonder.

I can't make this up, people. I'm not that good a writer. 

It bares mentioning that a and b are two younger people, maybe early twenties. Cool kids age, in my opinion. The age range where they need not put an effort forth; they are inherently cool to others not in the age range. I blame this, mainly, for the poor conversation topic and lack of flow. 

I remember being that age, at least a bit. I seem to recall having eerily similar conversation. So please believe me when I say: if I pick on these people, I am at least equal amounts picking on myself. My intention is not to bully (ever). I just can't help but recall a conversation one of the world's coolest attorneys had with me during my two-year-stint at the law firm:

Cool Attorney: "Yeah, the guy just wouldn't stop talking about how decent a person he was. How trustworthy he was."

me: "Ugh. I hate that. Doesn't that so get under your skin?"

CA: "Yes! Don't talk about it -"

me: "Yeah, be about it!"

CA: "Exactly."

I will never forget this conversation. I couldn't help but replay every time I had been the guy making bold claims about myself - nobody's perfect. Regardless: the point is that I did this constantly when I was younger! At aforementioned "Cool Age". Mostly in front of people I was trying to impress (and I was super insecure for a while there, so... everybody, I guess). Like I was attempting to sell myself to them. And, likely, convince myself that I either was these things or at least could be. Ah, Cool Age: the never-ending job interview. 

I know I always say this, but: how cool is this getting-older thing?? May none of us Un-Cools ever have this conversation again. Where we focus mostly on selling something to the other party/ourselves. Where we do not hear, only listen for queues of what we should say next to up the chances of them liking us. Where we hardly learn anything (if that). Where, once we are through, we are exhausted, entirely depleted; roadkill.

I hear a and b mention the words: "Hot Fuzz" and "Peace Lily". My ears perk. There might be hope for these kittens, yet.

a: have you ever seen it?

b: no... it's cops, right?

a: yeah. but they're british

b: what's it about?

a: well, I can't really tell you

b: oh, like it's not really about anything?

a: yeah

b: okay, so no plot, really

a: yeah. well, it is about something technically, but it's just like not.

b: oh, okay.

Forget what I said about not bullying. 

Love Languages

 I know, I know. 

Not only am I late to the game; even when I wasn't late to the game, very few people cared about this. But I care. And it's my blog. Send it in the comments section if you truly are unable to help yourself. 

I heard about the 5 Love Languages a few years ago, found it interesting. Took a test. Found out my language(s). Years later: I have finally read the corresponding book. R, an amazing friend, recommended it to me and I couldn't be happier that she did. There are a bunch of fun things to read about / discover in it, but here's what I want to focus on today:

I think it's fascinating that the kind of love one requires may not even be the kind one gives. 

I suppose on one hand: there's no bloody use spending love the way you need it to be spent on you because, well, you're not going to date you. However, I typically try to live by the Golden Rule (by and large, anyway. There are specific exceptions). Here's the thing, though - I wasn't giving what I needed in romantic / love relationships. I was fluent in:

*    Acts of Service
*    Gift Giving
and as I got a bit older
*    Words of Affirmation

My love languages are:

*    Physical Touch (first and foremost)
*    Quality Time (in second place)

So what on earth is going on, here? What was I on about? I think, simply put: I was mostly being selfish with my time. My time was My Time and I wasn't very generous with it. There was so much I wanted to do! So much that needed to be done (work, cleaning, groceries, organization) and so much I was interested in (writing, reading, gaming, baking). And so much of that is more enjoyable (I find, anyway) when going it alone. 

The good news is: not only have I got more things I'm into now (cooking, yoga / exercise, researching / learning, PLANTS) but I have actually learned to share time. I have learned that time is the wildest, best, amazing gift you can give anyone. Especially in adult life. And it's not fucking easy. And sometimes it's gonna suck and you just have to weigh it out: can you deal with a little suckage at the price of your favorite person in the whole wide world being happy / knowing you love them / make efforts as an active decision to love them? Totes worth it. And, if I'm being honest, it's just so bloody easy to do it now because it feels good to know you're helping your fave human feel good. 

I know: sappy. I don't wanna hear about it. 

Next: Physical Touch. Simply said: I was not doing this because I was so sick of being pursued / valued only at face value / creepy men / being a woman blah blah blah. (Amiright, ladies?) But then I learned that you can choose your partners; you don't just have to date the ones who ask you out! You can make decisions! And if they're not creepy and they dig you and you're consensual: you're probably going to be more likely to want to touch them. And be touched by them. Pretty wild, eh?

I think another reason I was performing Acts of Service / Gift Giving / Words of Affirmation was due to my upbringing. (Not necessarily my parents, not necessarily not them.) The people I was around most as I was growing up were incredibly busy. They had no time. There was nothing they felt the could do about it. So it meant a lot to them that I took care of something. And being so busy / having so much to take care of (for so many years, in some circumstances), it was shocking and a delightful surprise when there was something tangible that I could bring to them to show them that I really thought about them. (Let this talisman mark the day that effort was put forth!) 

As far as the Words of Affirmation: nobody was nice to each other back then. It was the 90's. Matthew Perry lead the whole team with biting sarcasm. Jim Carrey did his part in Liar Liar. We were all terrible. Especially to our friends and loved ones. We had to convince ourselves - and everyone else - that we were light-years cooler than them. What a time to be alive. 

Anyway. It was a fun book to read, the test was interesting to take and it got my mind rolling. If nothing else: it was a cool look into relationships that I hadn't thought of, specifically, before. I feel like I have a shot at being a little better at relationships after reading the book. Perhaps I will read more relationship-y books. Once I finish my latest Shirley Jackson or Chuck Palahniuk I've picked up, that is.