March 2017

An opportunity has fallen into my lap.

I really have never had something come to me so easily. This is the sort of thing you only see in the films and read in the books. Everything has been going swimmingly and normally, I must confess, I have found myself to be the one to not rock the boat. (If it ain't broke...) However! This seems nearly too good to be true. There is something new I could be learning in the job front, a new place I could be living with my wonderful beau, chances I haven't had in the recent past to make a little more money, and as such go travelling, perhaps. And I would be getting the winter all to myself to either piss away whatever savings I had disciplined myself to throughout the warmer months, or pick up a little seasonal work at some retail establishment.

One of my absolute dearest friends has just become the manager of a very prestigious seasonal restaurant. Her name is K, the restaurant's is T. T is about an hour's haul away from my current place of business, which, in turn, is about 20 minutes from my home.

The only reason why I am writing this instead of immediately packing my bags is that I find myself nearly paralyzed with fear. New things don't scare me as much as I feel they should, being a Taurus, I typically find the good easier than the bad in the big picture and am in a constant state of attempting to better my ability to adapt (constant vs. adapt. Hilarious). No, it's not change that I find myself paralyzed from, but fear of inadequacy. I am an unfortunate-looking man on the first date with a goddess. More specifically, after not being on a date for a string of months.

You see, I am not entirely self-loathing, nor am I completely insecure. I get anxious over things that I most likely shouldn't and I have a temper, but after you factor that in, the rest is pretty minute (I'm not even going to begin to calculate physical misfortunes, as that is every one's burden, and, as such, a given). However, I cannot seem to deny the fact that I have never actually worked for a restaurant quite so prestigious.

This is not a shot at any other place I have ever been employed at as a server/bartender. And even if it was, certainly not a shot at my current place of business, as it is the coolest place I have ever worked. I have never been so excited to clock in, so happy to see any/all of my co-workers (management included), so okay with having a few slow days because, hey, I work here! All I am trying to convey is this;

There is quite clearly a difference between a small, locally-owned restaurant with a staff of six and a seasonal establishment on the water that serves multiple $20 beverages to any given patron on any given Wednesday,

Clearly there is going to be a shift in expectation.

How many wines, champagnes and cocktails will I be expected to not only remember, but speak to? I always try my best and work to excel at my job, but there is, of course, only so much I can do. There is a limit. No matter how much heart, soul and willingness. I don't know that I will be good enough, and I need to not disappoint my incredible friend and make this move to find out I am complete shit at something I want to be so successful at. And, of course, the ever-present fear of "no takesies-backsies" is not making it any easier on me. What will I be able to come back to if I do fail?

But I also cannot be afraid only to stay afraid. That is not healthy for me because it is not who I am. Especially since we are, after all, essentially talking about a change of scenery and not sky-diving. I wouldn't die any easier doing this new thing than I would doing the same thing I have been doing. And I am ever-curious. Regardless of the outcome, this experience will be an experience and I will learn something, grow in a way, and better myself somehow.

I already know how to do what I've been doing. Perhaps it's time I try something new.