woman: "I'm not in a dating space right now"
man: 'There's no way she means me.'
Was it women? Saying things they don't mean in order to guard their actual feelings? Were they trying to play a game and see if it would stick? Or are men to blame for somehow assuming they're ALL the exception to the rule? I find this behavior quite curious and terribly frustrating. Yes, you could boil it down and simplify it to the act of "just another man not listening to a woman", but I am not sure it is so blatantly sexist. I don't know that men even know that they're doing this. I'm not saying that makes it okay, because - and let me be clear -
IT
DOESN'T.
If it were just a simple misunderstanding;
man: "...Oh, you didn't mean other ppl? You meant me, too? Oh. Shit. Sorry 'bout that, then."
That would be one thing. But it never is. Or at least certainly hasn't been in my case. Don't get me wrong; this is a relatively new discovery for me, and as such am keeping the typical open mind about it until I can do proper research on it (for what it's worth, I would trade facts in a heartbeat to just never have to go through this again). To quote Austin Powers: "Having said all that, I do have some thoughts..."
So far, I have made it abundantly clear that I am, in fact, not dating right now. I shouldn't. It won't be quality/my best self and I refuse to waste my time with anything less anymore. There's just no reason. I know I only have so much resolve when it comes to actual physical contact in that way, and as such am trying to break the news to everyone to better protect them and myself. I have told women, I have definitely told men; all of my friends. Most of them are probably sick of hearing me say this. That's fair - but clearly enough-to-get-sick-of is still not enough when it comes to the male ego.
Surely not all men are like this. I don't like getting grouped in with all 20-somethings, all people of my generation, all women etc... and it would be illogical to assume that one man could speak on behalf of all of them. Those men are an exception to this blog. To the kind of male and overall arrogant attitude/thinking process I am now assertively against. But they are still not an exception to my rule of "not being ready to date right now". You could be the man of my dreams and I would still be relieved to know you had someone else you were going after. And if by the time I'm ready to date you are married to said other person? Fair. My loss. I'm not going to pout about it because it is not sensible to wait for me and the whole prospect of a man doing so at this point would prove to be incredibly stressful to me. It's not personal. Which, by the way, surely proves moreover that I am not ready to date. To quote Kathleen Kelly in You've Got Mail: "...It ought to begin by being personal."
I am a logical, yet understanding and sensitive person. I am patient. I am sensible. I don't feel as though I am asking for too much to just be single - and not hassled - while I am sorting some things out. And even if I was asking for too much by expecting this; trust me. I am doing you a favor by denying a relationship with you at this point in time.
I have never in my life assumed that someone of the opposite sex is sexually interested in me simply because they are being polite to me. Because they are laughing at my jokes. Because they are taking the time to talk/listen to me about my day. Because I can relate to them. Because they asked me how I was doing, or even remembered something about me. Some people love others. Some people treat their friends with respect and love. Some people just fucking care. And I refuse to not care. So I guess this is the price I pay for not compromising that principle. You wanna know why people get bitter about relationships/the opposite sex? Haven't the foggiest, old chap.
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