Small But True: Eye Contact

Were we all taught that not making eye-contact while speaking to someone was a sure sign of cowardice, or was that just what I have interpreted from previous lessons? (Chalk it up to insecurity, if the latter.)

The Epiphany Elephant has reared its majestic head again.

[cut to lackadaisical, ever-graying third-grade classroom of children; heads on their desks, half-awake]

Classroom [in slightly off-rhythm, near-unison]: "What new, exciting thing have you learned about yourself now, Lexx?"

I'm glad you asked, kids!

I have been in the supervisory/managerial position at a job before, and as such have dabbled in the study and practice of body language (if I sit up straight, speak calmly but assertively and don't cry, they might respect me here!). As such, I have gathered that eye-contact is labeled as important - even necessary - in not only the job interview, but throughout the career journey. If you let your eyes avert, people may think you're:

1. a wimp
2. lying
3. don't know what you're talking about or how you got here.

In addition, of course, I have also been taught in my childhood that making eye contact is respectful. SO! Whenever I do not keep eyes locked, I feel a twinge of guilt and even embarrassment from it. Having my attention called to it in this way is, of course, irritating, but has also allowed me to notice a pattern: When I listen to a person, my eyes naturally go to theirs (alert respect). If I am to think creatively and/or prove a point/make a scientific call-back to something important I have learned, it is nearly impossible to keep my eyes on someone else's face. I believe the reason for this is that when I look someone else in the eye while I am trying to talk, I will get distracted; By their reaction. By their intention to interrupt me. Distracted by the inundation of emotional information projecting from their face, by way of a simple lip-twitch.

My boss says this may be because I am an "Empath" (Empath Epiphany Elephant??). I can not only read other peoples' reactions/faces/body language very naturally and smoothly, but it is typical for me to immediately feel what they feel. To run on their energy instead of just my own, in a way. This is also very typically why I feel so terribly spent at the end of a very social day, even if the physical activities didn't run far past sitting on the couch.

In conclusion! If you find yourself consistently unable to keep eyes locked on your opposing human as you speak to them about why you think the metaphysical world has evolved/is falling to bits, fear not, little Empath. You may just be trying to form poetry without the stinging distraction of someone else's emotive surface.