Why Can't I Be You?

 I've never really been one for idols, per se. Idols involve worship and worship sounds like an awful lot of work for an awful little in return. I will say that I have had people I look up to; strong women, not taking no for an answer. Hard workers. Hilarious comedians who courageously bare their personalities on stage to make strangers laugh. People who are simply genuine; themselves. All of these people who I have ever looked up to make me eventually look at myself with fresh lookers. Once these lookers have assessed my person, I begin my work of bettering myself in a certain way. I'll push myself to see if I can be a stronger advocate for myself; if I can be better at work; more courageous; more giving, etc... Pretty simple concept: you see something you think is cool, you reflect inward and try to be a little cooler. Lead by example kind of game. 

Here's where it gets a bit more complicated:

What happens when you're attracted to that cool person?

How do you know when you want to be LIKE the cool person versus wanting to be WITH the cool person?

Spoiler alert: I have no answer. Let's blog about it. 

I have made it this far in my life knowing that I am attracted to a slew of people, don't really have a "type" and am kind of a wild card when it comes to dating/sex life/romance. I feel as though I get along with nearly everybody. I am attracted to a large range of bodies, ages, personalities and backgrounds. So without this "type" to narrow things down a bit; how the hell am I supposed to know who to date? (I know I'm not the only one with this question.)

Now, to be clear: I have washed my hands of the traditional dating world for the time being and could not be less interested in a "relationship". But I still think back occasionally to when times were tougher; darker; times when I was... dating... It was obviously a nightmare from so many angles, but the one thing I would always get so perplexed by was: "I like spending time with everyone. Everyone-" nearly "-is beautiful/attractive. I have no idea what I'm doing." Not to mention the complication once you throw in things like: "Looks fade, so those are hardly important" and "Sex only lasts so long; what you really need is someone you like to have conversations and moments with.". 

Unreal.

Anyway.

Why is it that if a straight person finds another straight person of the same gender cool, they're best friends. But the minute the other straight person of a different gender is cool, they're obviously supposed to get married and put a down-payment on something? Do other straight women and men just hate that many people / not get along with the other sex? Is that the difference / is that how other straight peeps know who to date? What is this unholy dynamic. It makes no sense to me. 

Of course, let's not take for granted the fact that this whole blog is essentially me trying to make logical sense of a highly illogical concept ("love"). 

What about those of us who consider themselves pansexual? How on earth are they supposed to know which person to date? Just seems like a far-too-difficult situation to me. 

Sometimes I wish I knew more people who thought like me. I would love to have a conversation about this.

(and so ends my lunch break)