Today the sun lingered at 5:00pm.
This is the first sign of reaching safety from the clutches of seasonal depression. What makes it sweeter is: I recently read a few of my old blogs, one of them being the "Dark" one. It was awful. I'm glad I wrote it, don't get me wrong. I just mean the feeling was awful - upon the first sentence, I was transported to the malaise that once was. (And in my favorite bar!) I am once again in said bar. It wasn't pitch-black when I pulled up. It wasn't nightmarishly freezing when I went out for a smoke after my first negroni. There's still a little snow on the ground, but not enough to separate me from this good feeling. Spring is coming.
I just told one of my beautiful friends about my current woes (briefly) and ended it by saying: "I'm just waiting for Spring, man." I know this is what my entire last blog was about, but I am excited. And you didn't pay to be here. So here's s'more.
To be completely truthful: even my most detrimental woes are not currently eating away at me enough to spoil the good that I have. I simply am anxious to feel even better.
Tonight: Cake and Alabama Shakes replaced Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole. The bar staff dance and laugh and bob their heads along here and there. (Jack White Radio, I'm told. Brilliant.) I have been kicking writing's ass all week (through some jobby issues) and here I am again. Still killing the game the way I want. A blog here, a few scenes there, perhaps a journal entry if I'm feeling so inclined... Not to mention I just nabbed a few things (at good prices, naturally) for my and my best friend's home.
Last night, I recalled past dark times. Times when I felt so separated from myself, from my choices, from my life. Times when I felt as though I would never truly be living. I took in the scene around me: Best friend, snuggled up in their toasty bed with their cat, rent and bills paid, the whole apartment filthy with houseplants... I went to bed smiling last night. It doesn't get much better than this.
But wouldn't it be lovely if it got even better?
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