Is this a generational thing? Is it an adult thing? A human thing? Of this, I am unsure. What I do know is this:
It's complicated.
Forgive me if I have touched upon this topic in past blogs - I feel as though I haven't the time to check.
Picture this: you're in a bar with your buddies, some little puke comes up to your assemblage and spits some kind of nasty to one in your crew. It matters not if this is your best friend, sibling/family member, co-worker, casual friend, someone you just met... The instinct is to come to their defense, yes? Or in my case: catapult something you are convinced is scathing and hilarious (at least hilarious) at the offender. No second thought. It's clearer and more knee-jerk than instinct. Right?
Well why is it so bloody difficult to do this for yourself? In quite a similar / the same setting, even? Is everyone this way? Because I am nearly certain the majority (if not the entirety) of the company I keep feels the same way. Is it because we have a higher opinion of our loved ones than we do ourselves? Is there something in the back of our minds telling us that we do not deserve the back up that our loved ones certainly do? Or is it just that jarring to everyone when trouble comes our way that we will nearly always freeze and be unable to say anything for ourselves? This would certainly afford the air time for our friends (anyone, really) to say something / "come to our rescue".
On the other hand (you knew this was coming), if I was only able to stand up for myself and not others, I would surely whither away and die. If the missed zing opportunity didn't get me, the guilt would. This would also portray me as a coward. Something I actively am afraid of being! HAHAHA (had to). As for the other scenario: I would - at worst - be portrayed as the victim.
Ahhhh!!!! The plot thickens!
I hope I am absolutely not onto something, as it would make me positively ill to know that there is a very influential part of my subconscious infinitely fiending for a chance to be the victim. Although, for the record: I have to admit that it would be logical / make sense / is certainly a possibility.
It could be something as simple as: we love our friends more than we love ourselves. / We are more protective of our friends than ourselves. Which sounds noble and romantic but, in reality, could very well be unhealthy and problematic. (Unhealthy & Problematic: a low-key, low-angst E-girl / Indie crossover band for the ages. Or something.) But since balance is hardly ever - if ever - perfectly achieved and is arguably subjective, I suppose I would rather err on the side of friend-protecting than the other way around.
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