New Year: 2019

I had a fabulous New Year's Eve and I hope you did, too.

Every year my biggest goals involve travel. Ever since I saw Auntie Mame on TCM, I have placed travel under the category of glamorous. And ever since I have found the anchors of my musical taste and read my first Hornby book, I have felt as though I would feel more complete if I could just get to London.

Here's the deal: I'm petrified of traveling alone.

I know, I know, people have done it before. Women have done it before. Students backpack through Europe, for Pete's sake, but alas, I am not as brave. I wish I was! I don't like the idea of having to rely on others for enjoyment/contentment/accomplishment. I relish being independent and courageous. This move, however, eludes me.

The older I get, the more I start to realize how lovely it is to travel and how lovely it is to be home. After living in different places/states and traveling to different places/states for fun, I can certainly come to the conclusion that I am better for it. Catching a Flyers game in Phili, a concert in DC, vacationing in a houseboat in Florida... But the only places I have traveled to solo were places in Maine (including the Southern Maine mill town I lived in for a year), New Hampshire and Massachusetts (where I was only traveling to get to my then-boyfriend). If only I were the type of person who could travel alone. It's not the language barriers that scare me (if I were to visit, say, France), it's just the fact that I don't trust myself. To get to the airport on time, to board the correct plane, to find my B&B, to trek the strange streets safely. And then, of course, we have the added fun of being a small young woman, terrified of the male public for one reason or another (forget walking alone at night... anywhere).

How do people do it? They must have so much confidence. They must be so easily clever. I wonder if they know what they have. Whatever it is they do have, I am completely jealous. Perhaps there will come a day when I am strong enough, but I am nearly 30 and... nothing yet. We shall see.