Femme

(I had a different prompt for today, but I thought of this one and figured I might as well get it out while it was still fresh in my mind.)

I was always called a tomboy when I was younger.

I think it was mostly the way that I dressed (backwards baseball cap, baggy overalls and sneakers from the little boy's department). As I got older, my mother became accustomed to telling me whenever I was being a "girly-girl" (this would typically be whenever I expressed any interest in a soap that was not by the fine people at Ivory). I never really knew how much stock to put into her comments of that nature, as she is so extremely in the other direction on most things.

I have gone through my bouts of masculinity and sharing traits more stereotypical of the male human. My fashion still reflects that at times. There was even a time where I was sick of unwanted attention from men and tried to dress ugly / uninteresting / wear no makeup or crazy gross makeup / cut my hair in unpleasant ways. It didn't take long for me to recognize that it didn't matter what I wore / did to my hair; those men were still giving me unwanted attention. So if that bullshit was going to happen either way, I figured I might as well just do whatever the fuck I wanted and at least feel comfortable with how I looked.

I used to pride myself on my opposition against femininity. I wanted to be strong and cool, not weak and cute. I wanted to fight the stereotype and stand up for feminism.

Here's the thing.

I am strong. One of the most resilient people I know.
I am proud of women (and men) who stand up for themselves. Who fight to be heard when necessary.

I am also sick of being disingenuous in order to prove a point. Because it doesn't prove anything! AND you just end up being uncomfortable with yourself and stressing yourself out. It's similar to the hipster paradox; it started with people fighting conformity and ended with a brand new way to conform. Or when anyone goes so out in one direction; in efforts of presenting oneself in a compassionate manner to [party/group A], if the aforementioned one falls too deeply down the rabbit hole, one will inevitably pop out the other side and leave the [party/group B] in the dust. (*see also: political parties, extreme feminism, racism.)

The truth? (About me, I mean, not racism. Not ready to tread that water.) I love being a woman. I love the complexity. I love being strong in a way that only I could be. I love what I have conquered, how far I've come, my psychological and behavioral dimension. I love the amount of caring, earnest compassion I have put forth to others. I am proud of how far we've come, while still respecting and listening to and caring for the people around me who deserve it, whether they're male or female.

Even in a more comical view of things: I love men's blazers and oxfords as well as pencil skirts and stacked heels. And honestly? Some of my best days during the work week are when I am able to listen to Etta James in my kitchen while I cook, bake, clean and sing. Keeping a home makes me feel great. And whatever I end up doing is just less W has to do. And now I get to feel good because I didn't leave the space we share in shambles / he will be more likely to be in a better mood when he gets home. I love contributing to his good mood. He deserves it. Why should I avoid helping simply because the act thereof is specifically part of a stereotype for my gender? The more one fights that stereotype, the further they inevitably end up in the other stereotype. Which would leave me fighting through the Trenches of Testosterone while my partner wades peacefully in the Pool de Femme; where I actually care to be. Why is that any better? I don't think it is. And if you're damned if you do, damned if you don't, you might as well just do what you want.

Advice:
Women! Don't fight who you are simply to fit into that 40's housewife stereotype. However, if you happen to just really like the things that fall into said stereotype, that's okay, too! Just maybe don't fight who you are, period. I don't see the harm in doing what makes you happy, as long as no one gets hurt.