My mother said that we get into relationships with people because of the way they make us feel. To me, that sounded selfish. Surely you should just really care about that person because they are such a great person and you should just take good care of them because they are, in general, so precious. Well, while that might work in less invested relationships, it's simply no good (for me, at least) when it comes to romantic love.
There are, for example, a few people on the street that I live on/work on/am social on that I would count as "precious". I genuinely care about them and want them to do well and know they deserve a kind of sweet life for how good of a person they are. To other people, to their children/family, just in general. I do not go home to live with these people, I do not go vacationing with these people, I will not marry these people. It is a much lighter relationship where you are "good" to them when you can be, but certainly they are not specifically counting on you to be as such.
Romantic relationships are much more personal. You could live with this person, you could go vacationing and you could get married. Depending on your beliefs, they may have already seen you naked (!). And depending on your beliefs, that might seem very personal, indeed. So with this person, who is much more of a constant in your life - not only on the minuscule/daily consideration, but also on a grander scale - is to be the person who specifically counts on you, and is to be specifically counted on by you. Since this is on a grander scale, this will have a greater impact on the way you feel, short-term and long-term. Ergo, this romantic relationship will of course hinder on the way that person makes you feel. You don't see a friend as often, and they have (likely) not seen you naked (metaphorically or otherwise), and as such have a significantly lower chance of making you feel like shit. Conversely, on the off-chance that they do make you feel bad, you can always just get your distance from them because: you are living separate lives. Maybe you don't run into them at all the places you go to run errands/get coffee/what-have-you. Maybe you don't even work with the aforementioned theoretical offender. MUCH easier to get physical and mental and emotional space from than a spouse. Plus you have that added benefit of not really having any enormous ties to them (other than emotionally, of course), such as a house, a pet, children... To be clear: I am not down-playing the wound that a great friend can help you achieve, I am simply saying that - for the most part - you can more easily shrug off the small stuff.
Which, naturally, branches off into a thought that I always used to have when I got upset at a spouse's actions: "Would I be this upset if a friend had done this to me?" Which already loads itself as a question, as it is to assume the other party set out to do something to me. Which is almost never the case. And if it often is, maybe get out of that relationship.
At any rate, I used to ask myself this question a lot, in an attempt to better-assess my anger/emotions/reaction. I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill. Then I realized: you cannot possibly compare these two very different relationships! It isn't even apples and oranges, it's potatoes and race cars. One is completely not beholden to you. If they want to fly off to another state, country, another planet, they do not owe you any kind of conversation. And that's just for starters. Your partner is who you are to build a life with, for Pete's sake. You chose to be with them in a very specific, separate way from all of the other people you know. They deserve a specific kind of consideration. And, of course, in having this original thought ("Would I be this upset...") I became a bit of a doormat in my romantic relationships and, looking back, put up with much more than I should have. Clearly this theory was no good. You live and you learn.
You should, I feel, try to keep toxic people away from you, no matter what relationship they have with you. Toxic is toxic, no excuses. Give 'em the boot. And of course there are general behaviors that you just shouldn't put up with from your friends OR spouse(s). But for the most part? I try to take situations case-by-case.
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