Family: Security v. Freedom

I'm not sure how many "traditional families" are really left among us.

By "traditional families" I mean the whole scene where the parents stay together, Junior goes off to college/into the workforce, gets his own place in the city, but still is sure to make time to visit his parents/family for the holidays. A remark about Junior's trophies lining the wall. Dad prompts: "When are you gonna get your old crap outta the basement?" while Mum remarks "You know, you look thin, here's some food to take home. And some money. Don't tell your father." And when something inevitably goes south for Junior out in the "real world" (girlfriend/fiance doesn't work out, apartment doesn't work out, job doesn't work out, medical issues, etc...), he is admittedly "defeated". ...As he packs his bags, knowing - without hesitation - where he is going.

Back "Home".

Back to where his familiar parents are still creating the same dishes, cracking the same lame jokes, producing the same looks, sounds, lifestyle they have for the last few decades. The place even smells the same. Dad gives him a "hard time" about living back at home, but nothing too far to his detriment. Mum's just happy to have someone around who "appreciates her cooking". They will not accept any retribution for this deed. This expected act of humanitarianism. Sure, Junior will eventually fly the coop again, but all three of them keep the same unspoken understanding.

"You will always have a place here."



Now, I get what everyone thinks about their family.

"They're so crazy."
"They're so embarrassing"
"They're not normal".

And statistically, some of us are correct.

However! This idea of family still sticks in our minds. Is it merely a memory we never had for a time we never experienced? Is it simply an assemblage of our favorite films? Or are there some of us out there still requesting time off and marking our calendars for days in December? Where we will fly to a familiar place to reluctantly unpack our overnight/weekend bags in the same room we grew up in.

The reason I propose all of this: my sister and I do not have such a family - no parts of it. And I recently discovered that she - at least sometimes - longs for such a scenario. "I wish we had a normal family", she said. Then something beautiful (that made me very sad) about how nice it would be to just have a nice, clean, cozy place to rest and do your laundry at. She then asked me how I felt on the topic; did I ever wish we had a "normal family"?

I could honestly say "Not really, no", because I like just having her. Sure I used to wish and dream about it when I was younger, but something about this alternative family that I have; this other, affords me freedom, or at the very least, a feeling like it. Which, I guess in a way is selfish, but for what it's worth I would trade it all for my sister to be able to finally achieve the sensation of security she longs for. And on the other hand, it may not be selfish at all and may just be my ability to "pull out the positives". Then again it just may, in fact, be a result of a kind of coping mechanism my body has created for never really having any back up of any kind when I needed it.

For a moment I wondered if it was bitterness propelling my "honest opinion" on the matter, but no. It was merely my natural ability to "face the facts" (I am unsure if I have ever used this many quotations in one blog; forgive me. They just really seem to fit). And the truth is: I like being able to make decisions for myself and spend time (yes, even holiday time) the way I would like to. Spoiled? I am open to the suggestion, although I must say I really think it has less to do with being a princess and more with perpetually being filled with guilt over everything I do. Especially for myself. Even more especially if it means letting down someone who is good and deserves to not be let down (not that anyone does deserve that, in my opinion).

Plus, as far as I am concerned, once you do prevail over the hardships life throws at you in this solo fashion, you can feel even better about it being a self-made victory.