Exercise

 (not at the gym)

I am going to simply start typing and see where we end up. 

I think I've done this before, but finding out for sure would involve pouring over my backlog of entries and THAT is a distraction. And this exercise's enemy. 

The Jenny Mustard is playing in the background, the window - boasting early October sun - and the work day was cut even shorter than usual due to a perfectly persistent blackout. (She hiccuped only once, and for precisely three minutes.) This is the perfect scenario to plunge into the cool pool of romance that writing brings me. The only thing missing is a black Starbucks iced coffee - but

1.    I am already home
2.    I refuse to pay delivery tax for most consumables - very much including coffee
3.    I have been trying to be more careful about finances. I'm in my low-spend-zone. And there's a treat on the line if I make my second goal before the year's end!

This is what instant coffee was made for. But I have already made and drank my cuppa earlier at work... My french press is clean (thanks again, past me) - I believe this is a sign for decaf. 

---Shout out to N for suggesting / buying my first bag of genuinely delicious decaf coffee. This came when I had finally found a show to get excited about and keep up with (White Lotus) wherein the hotel guests would start every morning with a gorgeous espresso. I am not usually so easily influenced, but come on - it's espresso! One of the best things in this entire world. But by the time I would watch the episodes, it would be too late for fresh brew. So N suggested decaf. I thought: 'I've tried decaf before and it tasted like pool cleaner.' But soon after realized that I had grown since then and so:

1.    I might have changed my tastes
2.    I have since expanded my mind and realized that just because I have tried one decaf once and found it to suck does not mean that all decaf will always suck. 

What I did not take into account was that N is a randomly luxurious creature. And that he would buy me a far nicer bag of coffee - decaf or otherwise - than I would have for myself. I have since always kept a going bag of the stuff in my tiny "coffee bar" area of our home. (I've tried others in the same tax bracket and none of them have compared! He really does have impeccable taste.)---

No apologies. Not for the rants. Not today. This is an exercise.

This exercise reminds me of the cool little tech tool I fell in love with in NY. It came out around this time - well, I should say a hot reboot emerged. This thing that is the updated version of the alpha-type-contraptions I saw in my classroom days. Early grades. I believe before NC era, so very early, indeed. What are these called... *googles* AlphaSmart! I can't recall for the life of me why we were allowed to even touch these things, but as soon as I felt the keys under my little pads: I was in love. While everyone else lost interest and turned to socializing, I watched the skinny, spaghetti-western screen fill with the letters I chose. I felt like a writer. Like a real creator. It felt so legitimate - especially when comparing to the bright yellow, wide-ruled, spiral notebook I had just written my latest in. (This notebook had blue-ink-drawings of the stories within it. It also had an impressive collection of confetti shreds of binder-hole strips left behind. Very much adding to the totem's already manic appearance.)

Anyway, the thing / the updated version: I peeped it in a GQ article and drooled all over it. The reason I didn't buy it is because it was around 500-600 dollars (could only imagine what it is now). Not to mention: I don't need it. I also would love an espresso machine and regular therapy, but: how often would I actually use it?? (Ha...ha?) The reason why I bring it up now: *finally breaks to put hot water on* because the idea behind it is that you just free-write - specifically without going back / editing. The ultimate idea being: you can just spill your guts for as long as humanly possible / until your partner guilts you into eating something (they're just the worst - can't they see you're in a flow??). And this will hopefully get you a far chunkier manuscript in far less time. 

I don't know that this would even work for me - would I allow myself to spill, or simply find it too maddening? To not zoom out? I do love zooming out. I wonder. (Not enough to spend hundreds... yet...) 

perhaps that will be my treat? I was honestly planning on taking myself to a pawn shop and buying myself a ring. But maybe I will do this? I'm not sure. I wish I could try one out to see if I like it. Although I equally would want my first keystrokes to be on a machine that is my own. For the first experience to be the most personal possible. 

*gets up to collect hot water / coffee / french press / glass mug*
*re-adjusts phone*
*inspects phone. its screen cracks. its case cracks. recalls when she ordered it - a refurbished number with a factory reset from ebay*

'5 years ago. Is this a lot for a phone, these days? I recall having my Juke model for about 6 years, maybe more. Long gone are the days, though.' 

Hah!
5 years is a totally acceptable time. 
Although, by the time I bought it, it was already 2 years old and pre-owned.

I suppose I should by a new phone - it just doesn't give me any joy! I am very grateful to have a phone (and even moreso for an affordable plan) but it genuinely brings me no joy to crack open that brand new phone box / get everything all set up etc... I'm not into photography, so I find it ridiculous (and at times a little grotesque) to have 9 different cameras on the thing. I don't play games on it, so I don't need an impressive storage (I'm a minimalist!). All I need is wifi (for youtube, instagram & travel) speaker (for spotify) my little apps (for paying bills/tracking finances, borrowing library books) and the ability to communicate (calls / texts / messages). I will say: the audio jack & speaker's been on the fritz for years, now, as well as the mic - resulting in only being able to make/receive calls on speaker phone. You'd be surprised at how inconvenient this becomes when you are a polite person. But I've still made it work. 

I make my calls in my home / my car (and am very usually alone, anyway) and I use a bluetooth plug-in in my car instead of the ancient aux cable I had been employing. 

Even now, considering it all: I think would rather have the alpha. Or the espresso machine. Or, honestly, the "well done!" congratulatory pawn shop jewels. 

Hm. 
I don't think I really want a lot of things. What a time to be alive. I absolutely adore being content. It's a full, cozy, beautiful feeling - so calm and complete. 

I think this will be a nice sentiment to leave on. 
I wish I had something to actually write about! I have plenty of decaf and daylight left. 

Maybe I will look through my notes. Or read!