Mind Balance

The amount of things the human mind is able to balance is incredible. I've been told it (and believed it), of course! But to really catch it as it is happening first-hand? What a marvel.

We are able to take what we have experienced/"been through" and apply it directly to a brand-spanking new situation/setting; the cast and players are different. You're older now. You've got a different job and occupy a different space (take that as you would like). Nobody is telling you what to do. There is no helping hand to remind you of the things you've survived while you were riding solo. How could there be? It was only you! And it's only you now. And you remember and apply all on your own! It is second-nature to you, you magnificent creature.

"Hm, this job is asking too much of me for too little pay... I know from my past experiences that it starts out small and results in me doing nearly everything while everyone else acts on the bare minimum, accomplishing nothing. For months/years. And for my starting pay while I make all of them look good enough to raise their wages. I will not let this happen again."

"Hm, this apartment's plumbing is a bit wonky, and the landlord said they would fix it once I moved in... I know from my past experiences that some landlords will provide empty promises and once they've got me locked in a lease, they will disappear. I'll tell them 'no dice'."

"Hm, this new partner is not cleaning/fixing our home, and leaving it all to me... I know from my past experiences that the nicer/more easy-going I am in the beginning, the more the will take advantage of my nice/easy-going nature in the long run. I'll set some boundaries."

It happens lightning-fast! And it wouldn't even end there. For example; I've been burned a few times in my "romantic"-past (who hasn't), and so I would be likely to have a similar thought as mentioned above. But then! The thought would go on to look something like this:

"Hm. He's doing the things that my past-lovers did that were red flags for disrespect/being taken advantage of. I better set boundaries. But I also had better take great care in the way I go about setting those boundaries, because there is still a chance that he is not like my past-lovers. Not to mention he has not done anything too criminal as of yet, and so deserves respect - plus I cannot allow myself to compromise my principals in reaction to another's unsavory acts/behaviors. However in doing so, I must stand up for myself, unlike what I used to do; taking the shape of a doormat. However I also recognize not being taken seriously and not being respected as huge insecurities of mine (also from past situations), and so I must tread lightly, as this lover may not, in fact, be doing anything wrong. This entire situation could very well be a direct result of my insecurity projection."


...HELLO?

Is this not incredible? Does this not astound you? Are you not amused??

And this is all while keeping in fair condition with other relationships, in between scheduling and keeping doctor's appointments, paying your bills, absolutely killing it on the job front... I honestly had to realize it first hand, in a very specific way in order to really recognize it. And when you think of it that way, how mad can you really be at yourself for making the wrong decision? For causing a slip?

Be gentle on yourself, kitten.