In Plain Sight

In both of my current jobs, I am allowed to listen to music/podcasts/whatever while I work. It just has to be of a reasonable volume/in your headphones.

I am eternally grateful for this. I have always said "If I can just find a job that lets me listen to whatever music I want while I do it, I will immediately count myself lucky". I didn't know this then, but a lot of my graciousness has to do with the fact that listening to music (of my choice) while I do my job (/talk to others/clean my house/exist) really tethers me to my current space and allows me to narrow my focus. If something irritating happens/a setback occurs and I am not listening to music I am immediately more likely to feel the heat of frustration under my skin. However, playing my tunes kind of starts me at a +10 handicap for the day, and so I am much less likely to freak out. It soothes the savage beast, as it were.

**(Quick interjection: the music really does have to be at just the right volume. Just enough to drown me. If it's too low it's irritating/distracting, like a mosquito. If it's too loud I worry about other people hearing it and am unable to relax. I know, I know; it's just got to be a joy living with me.)**

***(Think of how I feel! I can't get away!)***

I basically find any unsavory situation to be at least made bearable by the right music. It will either sharpen my focus or allow me to escape a bit. To tether me or turn me loose. Best of both worlds.

It has come to my attention that not everyone feels this way. For example: W is at home, writing in his spare time. The place is quiet. Low-key. Just him and the cat. Peaceful, even. Should a conversation on the street elevate too much in volume, his focus will be pulled and his writing will suffer. He may get frustrated and decide to save the activity for another day. I, meanwhile, may get my best blog-work done when I am amidst a noisy crowd at my favorite watering hole; wild conversation and strange music abound. Why is this?

There are plenty of different factors, I am sure, for plenty of different reasons why. Mine, I can say with some certainty, has to do with being ignored. I simply work my best when I know that no one is paying attention to me. I have spent what feels like the better part of my life under watchful eyes (a term which, here, is referring to "people who were never told to mind their own business"). Life has given me plenty of great opportunity (and I have worked for plenty, myself). The one luxury it is unlikely to afford me is uninterrupted alone time. And so, the way I best know how to relax is when I know everyone else's attention is being spent on "something else". Something more fascinating than a female. Something more fascinating than someone in their environment. Doing something they find to be unusual. What's a good bet, then? Alcohol, of course. A bar provides alcohol, and - depending on which bar you choose - a strict policy on children. Not being allowed in, I mean. Because adults are relatively easy to distract. A child, however, will remember you promised them a game of tag nine hours into the evening.

My point is that when there are other people talking around me, I feel as though they are all basically uninterested in what I am doing. I feel as though there are more important things going on, other than me. When people are talking, even if said people are right next to me, I feel like I can actually relax and essentially do my own thing. I can't usually be alone. And I have tried like hell to "excuse myself", and all that does is bring more attention to me. And the longer I am gone, the more people pay attention.

Sometimes the best place to hide is in plain sight.

And when you can't hide in plain sight, maybe try the bathroom. People will still talk, but they might leave you alone-ish. And usually there's a lock.