Therapy

I have a great respect for therapists and other people who actively use their minds productively.

I don't suspect all therapists do what they do professionally because of their deep drive to help others, I suspect some do it simply because it is a job. I also am not deterred in the least at this prospect (to attend a session, that is). I would actually be happier to know that they don't actually give a shit about me as an individual. If I would like to be around people who care about me, I can go to my loved one(s). What I think I would like is someone terribly analytical. Someone who knows no details of my life. A fresh slate who owes me nothing. This will afford honesty (for both parties). Preferably, this therapist will not know any of my loved ones/co-workers/people who I interact with on a daily basis (if they knew all/any of them, this would make me feel as though I could not be completely honest/opinionated about anything. A great hindrance, as I understand, in this situation).

I am considering this topic because I believe I have come to a realization: there are so many people you just can't talk to. Additionally, the few people you really do feel like you can talk to are probably lovely people who do not deserve a consistent inundation of negativity that you/one sometimes feels as though they must eject. Which is a tough opinion to have because, ideally, you will speak honestly to these precious few, and it could be argued that if you omit parts of your life (especially those parts that you consider to be "large" or "important") you are being dishonest. Which is unfavorable, in my opinion. And may make you tougher to relate to, which may cost you the opportunity for a deeper relationship. (To which I argue: if you cannot be yourself / do what is comfortable or what feels right to you around your friends, are they really your friends?) (To which I argue: are you really being yourself if you are to commit such omissions?) It is also a tough opinion to have because I try to treat people the way I would like to be treated and I know that I do not mind when my loved ones "spill their beans" to me. However, the longer I live, the more I also realize that there are many things that I don't mind that the public at large very much do mind (and vise verse). Life is complicated.

At any rate, when you have someone/something in your life that is making you upset/angry/sad, and you feel as though you should/want to talk about it, I think the absolute safest thing to do about it is to tell a stranger who is getting paid to keep their mouth shut and keep your business anonymous. Especially if they don't actually know you or anyone who effects your everyday life. (This is, of course, purely supposition, as I have never actually gone to therapy.) Money appears to be the golden motivator for the masses. A therapist shares something that a patient told them in confidence? No more money. It is an odd system, but one that likely works.

This option (therapy) also seems very attractive to me because I feel as though talking about my problems would help me (maybe help me solve some things, which always feels good), but I do not want whoever I tell to hate whoever I am talking about. If I tell my mother about how Jenny is being mean to me, she will likely immediately act defensively toward Jenny on my behalf. This does not necessarily make my mother a horrible person, this is just likely a reaction, or perhaps just the way that my mother sees fit to display her love and care for me. Not to mention, my mother has never had the relationship with Jenny that I have. My mother has not spent countless weekends venturing around town with Jenny, or hours in coffee shops, talking away, as I have. She has, however, raised me. Therefore my mother will naturally be less forgiving. It is hardly ever a decision to be made. Typically just a reaction. And there is also little I would be able to do to coerce my mother into forgiving Jenny once our friendship is no longer on the rocks. And I don't know what Jenny has done in this situation, but surely she does not deserve a fate so harsh.

Perhaps it is odd that I would feel more comfortable telling my "secrets" to a complete stranger. Perhaps that should be my first session.