Now vs Eventually

Today it has come down to a choice of longevity versus immediacy (if that is, in fact, how you would word such a thing).

To some, being in an environment that promotes contentedness is very important. For example: I choose to work jobs that keep me content, actively pursue happiness and surround myself with the people I love most. Partaking in activities that (for the most part) do not stress me out to high heavens, and live in a place I love. Obviously there are circumstances where not all of these items are available/realistically obtainable, etc... and so I count myself very lucky. Also, of course: there are plenty of people who convince themselves that they either cannot achieve these things - when, with a little elbow grease, they certainly could - and/or that these things are not truly "what it's about" for them.

Not too long ago, I found myself in an environment I disliked with a person who did not value me and a job that was quickly mutilating my physical body and destroying my sleep pattern at break-neck speed. So I came back "home", surrounded myself with promising people and places and gladly took the pay-cut. At said time, I was able to "take it easy" and get plenty of time to write (my true passion!). Seemed like the perfect plan.

Now, however, I find myself in the situation of realization: I could keep working at these jobs that are lower-paying and give me some very long days and some very short days (the appeal, of course, being that on these short days I have time for reading and writing). And in doing so I could professionally lay low and work these jobs for an indefinite time. OR, I could buckle down, work one job that pays better with a set "banker's hours" schedule, stay out of trouble/go out less/have less daytime off and save like a mad man. The idea behind this option would be that eventually I could simply retire early and have a bunch of days off for reading and writing indefinitely.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been faced with this option, and I am sure this will not be the last time I consider it. And who knows? Perhaps I will never retire and just switch back and forth between the two options until I fall to an "untimely" death (from working so hard). My opinions and goals are ever-changing; perhaps this will be "the thing". For right now, however, at the age I find myself in, the one job seems like the most appealing.

Last night I was asked about my future. How I would see it. And although I was convinced that I had "never given much thought to it", words came out of my mouth in a mudslide. They came out smooth and complete, as if they had been rehearsed at great length. I really learned something.

I think that there is much to be said for being in the moment, taking things as they come and not rushing anywhere. I also think (classic: balance) that, once you do find out where you really want to be, you'd be a fool not to move your feet.