Forgiveness is Fine

Relationships (both romantic and otherwise) in my younger years consisted mainly of someone approaching me, me accepting their company, them being human, and me at a complete an utter loss for words when I realized that they did not always know entirely how they should treat me/ should act/ should be. It was a real high-temper, low-wisdom situation from where I was sitting. Ironically having said that, I also had incredibly low-standards going in to these relationships, so it could be argued that I still have high-temper, the difference mainly being that I have lived through enough experiences to have learned my truths; to better avoid sticky situations by way of activating a finer filter. By way of deciding to have more consistent, higher standards.

My point (of this specific blog entry) is that as I have aged, I have grown more patient and more understanding. I have gotten much more comfortable with forgiving people and far more uncomfortable with the act of holding a grudge; of refusing to admit that people are people and that - more often than not - there is a psychological reason behind someone acting unfavorably toward me.

Pretty typical, right? Elders in stories and cinema and in the reality it has all been based upon will often bare the gift of patience and wisdom. They have learned to pick their battles. They have undergone hardships. They have surrendered petty insecurities. They have admitted what is truly important to them (if to no one other than themselves).  (...Not all of them, of course, there are always those nasty old crones who have grown only more nasty and have so become insufferable. This entry is not about them. Not everything is about them.) These Beautiful Beings; these Outstanding Elders; these Golden Oldies; within the interim of growing more forgiving they have also learned to "take no shit". When something does actually bother them enough to "choose it" as their "battle", they will stand strong even at the risk of it being their last stand. It is what they deem as "worth it". I have also adopted this aspect of the journey.

So here's the question:
What's the difference between being forgiving and being a doormat?

Why is it that we revere those who "stick up for themselves" and do not "settle for less" and do not accept certain behaviors while we chide those who "have their standards too high" and do not allow for mistakes and missteps? We praise those who recognize unfavorable behavior, forgive it, and try to work past it with the other party (who committed the unfavorable acts) while we urge the same people to "get a backbone" and ask them "are you really going to let them get away with that"?

Now, I feel as though it must be said: at the end of the day, you and you alone are left with your choices/ decisions made. Not those other people. And, naturally, this could all be boiled down to the suggestion of balance (are we sick of hearing it yet?), but I just find it terribly interesting. Things that bother other people may not bother you. Does that mean you should pretend as though it does bother you in order to better-preserve yourself from being taken advantage of? To better-initiate those boundaries? Or should you simply coast along (ignoring everything those helpful people who love you are telling you), confident that it will not be long before those things that you do find to be irksome (that others do not) present themselves in human form?

I pride myself on my patience and truly feel the act of grudge-holding is entirely useless. Forgiveness is fine. I suppose the only difference for me is when self-preservation comes into play. Being so forgiving, I can sometimes find it difficult to admit when someone simply will not change.