Is it healthy to depend on one person for everything? Should this one little person be "All"?
One annoying ex would say "what is 'should'?"
And he has a point. On this and not much else.
I just mean: is it realistic. I mean: is this the standard we've set for ourselves. Is anyone actually doing this? Successfully??
I think it's a crazy amount of pressure to put on anyone (for them to be "all"). These people who have similar expectations for their parents, for example, always end up drowning in their own misery. Blaming their parents for this and that. It's all their fault. Everything that I don't like about me / every Jungian shadow of mine exists solely because of them. These people, meanwhile, are never taking responsibility for their own actions / what they've done with what they were given (there are obviously exceptions to this / I've heard the horror stories / I've read them / I've written them / this entry is not about these exceptions / this entry will not be "all"). Yes, your parents have likely caused some damage. But you, at some point, were handed agency, presumably. Or at least the option to legally obtain it.
There are so many friends we make throughout life: some that we make excuses for or roll our eyes at lovingly and say "oh, that's our Kelly!". We have extended family who do not share the same views as us (on how to be polite, for instance. On politics, for another). When do we roll our eyes and when do we "pick our battles"? When is it "our job" to enlighten others on the difference of our opinion(s)? At what point do you throw your hands up? And what then: do you walk away forever and never see that person again? Or do you try to have a relationship with that person - just, maybe, a little more shallowly than you would typically have with a loved one?
If you do attempt these shallower-relationship boundaries with this friend / family, is it boundaries, or is it dishonest/disingenuous? I know I, for one, have attempted having shallower relationships with these certain people and I simply am not able. (Perhaps years of therapy and tool-creating/accessing will help, but until then...) It would necessitate becoming another me while I am around them. Which would necessitate creating one. And also: shedding this other self temporarily while I live my "authentic" life elsewhere / until the next time I cross paths with this person I am supposed to be shallow with/around. And in case it needs to be said: I am certainly not interested in putting in the work of creating / becoming / un-becoming this other self if in the end: that's not even a healthy way to deal with the original issue/interact with the person.
I've gotten a bit off track.
"Back to the beginning is the rule".
So if you have a significant other: does the rule still apply? Is this one person supposed to be "all"? If not: how much is acceptable/healthy to skim over/"forgive" (for lack of a better word) and when does this "forgiveness" bleed into "making excuses for"? Obviously we are typically a little more forgiving of our friends since we do not have to live with them for the rest of our lives / we do not expected to have any sort of union with them / very typically these friends will not "have access" to our bodies in the way a significant other is likely to have. That I understand. But what are the marks? Where are the boundaries? We are now being told to not accept less than we deserve, but what does that mean? Obviously I have stated in plenty of entries across blogosphere that I would rather be alone than with someone who subtracts value from my life/doesn't add any to it. Duh. I love hanging out with me. (Omg what is this: my peace? I love it!!) But what is the line? For spouses, friends, family? And when "should" we step in and tell them / try to expand their minds and views vs. just learning to let go and pick our battles?
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