I believe I have admitted to knowing close to nothing about politics.
And if I haven't... Well, there it is. But to quote Pete Davidson of Saturday Night Live: "...Do you know how bad you have to screw up in politics for me to notice?" (or something to that effect). And I have noticed. So let's blog about it.
I have never understood how the greater American public can be so easily vacuumed up into the Dyson that is political propaganda. Republicans recently voted for Trump due, at least in part, to his promise to "build a wall". I'm not certain that any of us knew (including, but not limited to Trump) if he meant it as a metaphor or if he was dead-set on the physical act of building a real, live wall along our border, but here we are. And I think we can all admit that whether or not the wall (in whatever fashion) is, in fact, there, there have been some ...snafus. And yet here we are again with the Dems, this time (sorry, guys): Free Healthcare for All and Student Loan Forgiveness. These are the hot topics. And everyone's falling for it. Again. Only... on the "other side".
How can it possibly be that people - plural! - are fooled by this suggestion? Has it really been that long since the last shangrilah was broken?? Or is it really that different because it's obviously just a problem on the "other side"? Is it really true that people hear "free" and they stop listening immediately? Stop thinking, even? Where, do you suspect, we are getting all the resources necessary to foot the bill on this healthcare? This loan forgiveness? Am I to understand that there are some people who truly believe that there exists a group of angry old white men (in the white house), sitting on a balc (like Statler & Waldorf) simply creating bills for the greater American public? For no apparent reason?
Of course, it could be argued that all money is obsolete / "for no reason", but I think you understand my meaning.
And what are we to believe, really? The fake news, as it has been deemed? After the propaganda's been handled and supplimented in, what else is there?
Wednesday, October 30, 2019
Time Flies...
...All the time.
The saying goes "Time flies when you're having fun", but let me tell you: it doesn't quite slug its way by me while things get rocky. You could lose a whole month to some tragedy, as small as something in your apartment needing repair. And when love is lost? Forget about it.
What's important to remember - when this time suck happens - is that your life is happening. Whether you like it or not. So you might as well find something - at some point throughout the day - that you actually enjoy doing. Or even something you don't enjoy doing that will still make you feel accomplished. That will make you feel like you haven't wasted the day/week/month. It seems like the behavior of a madman, filing your taxes in the midst of a hurricane, and maybe it is! But it will almost always make me feel better (even if only a little bit).
That being said, there is, of course, the suggested virtue of "taking the time you need". On personal relationships, family tragedy, setbacks at your job, what-have-you. There is something beautifully strong about the self-control that it takes some of us just to slow down and admit where we are. All I am suggesting is that when you cannot afford to "take the time you need", you take the time to finish those renovations in your living room. To make that call to your mother. To meal prep. Something.
The saying goes "Time flies when you're having fun", but let me tell you: it doesn't quite slug its way by me while things get rocky. You could lose a whole month to some tragedy, as small as something in your apartment needing repair. And when love is lost? Forget about it.
What's important to remember - when this time suck happens - is that your life is happening. Whether you like it or not. So you might as well find something - at some point throughout the day - that you actually enjoy doing. Or even something you don't enjoy doing that will still make you feel accomplished. That will make you feel like you haven't wasted the day/week/month. It seems like the behavior of a madman, filing your taxes in the midst of a hurricane, and maybe it is! But it will almost always make me feel better (even if only a little bit).
That being said, there is, of course, the suggested virtue of "taking the time you need". On personal relationships, family tragedy, setbacks at your job, what-have-you. There is something beautifully strong about the self-control that it takes some of us just to slow down and admit where we are. All I am suggesting is that when you cannot afford to "take the time you need", you take the time to finish those renovations in your living room. To make that call to your mother. To meal prep. Something.
Wednesday, October 2, 2019
Obligatory Summer Entry
O - BLOG - atory??
Like obligatory, but ...blog.
Okay, that was the entertainment for this entry. The big payoff. It's all downhill from here. You don't believe me? Read on.
I was just cruising through some of my older entries (I'll explain why in a bit) (...it's really fascinating, you're not going to want to miss it). I noticed that I did not write anything throughout the entire month of September 2019, so I shot my peepers pastward around September 2018 & 2017. I noticed I was compelled (both years) to write about the summer/weather/sunshine/feelings of the like. I then realized I had done nothing of the sort for this summer - How dare!
The reason for shirking my summer-loving-responsibilities? Shit's been crazy (said in Tracy Morgan voice).
Jan: decide to move again, maybe
Feb: nope, yep, definitely moving
Mar: collect/send all the paperwork in between jobs, get accepted to/move into new place
Apr: aw, man, somebody backed into my c- BIRTHDAY! #dirtythirty
May: Happy Mother's D- Ma's sick. Oh, no, wait, we're good. This two job thing is exhausting.
Jun: dog-sitting, eye appointments, THE BAR this 2nd job's gotta go.
Jul: yep, that's it. new job time. #drained
Aug: NEW JOB! Bf birthday things!
Sep: ??? new tattoo (don't mind if I tat-DO!), lots of social/community, getting used to new job
Oct:
Annnnnnnd here we are.
This year could not have been more of a blur. I remember New Year's Eve/Day, it was spent with very important people and I would not trade a second of it. Precious times, for sure. And I'm finally "home" with my age and I am pumped about my new job (and possibly more importantly: leaving the flaming hot mess of garbage the previous job was/is/will proceed be, likely). But what exactly did I do this summer?
I sold art at my good job, which was quite an experience. Still selling it now (it's being displayed elsewhere). I remember spending time being off-the-cuff-social (my absolute favorite way to be social) and I recall spending an insurmountable percentage of my paycheck at the local bar and coffee shop. I went to beach precisely two times; once by myself and once with W. I think mainly it was a lot of maintenance activity. Very adult things.
And yet I still do not feel as though it was squandered. I love summer - I don't think I have had a single bad one since being old enough to make my own decisions.
THE REASON I was sorting through old blog posts was because a friend, and local shop owner, is having an event at her book store soon. This will be an event where local writers can assemble and read bits they've written on the given topic. I will do my best to find something, but in the event that I do not, it will be lovely to hear what others have written.
Like obligatory, but ...blog.
Okay, that was the entertainment for this entry. The big payoff. It's all downhill from here. You don't believe me? Read on.
I was just cruising through some of my older entries (I'll explain why in a bit) (...it's really fascinating, you're not going to want to miss it). I noticed that I did not write anything throughout the entire month of September 2019, so I shot my peepers pastward around September 2018 & 2017. I noticed I was compelled (both years) to write about the summer/weather/sunshine/feelings of the like. I then realized I had done nothing of the sort for this summer - How dare!
The reason for shirking my summer-loving-responsibilities? Shit's been crazy (said in Tracy Morgan voice).
Jan: decide to move again, maybe
Feb: nope, yep, definitely moving
Mar: collect/send all the paperwork in between jobs, get accepted to/move into new place
Apr: aw, man, somebody backed into my c- BIRTHDAY! #dirtythirty
May: Happy Mother's D- Ma's sick. Oh, no, wait, we're good. This two job thing is exhausting.
Jun: dog-sitting, eye appointments, THE BAR this 2nd job's gotta go.
Jul: yep, that's it. new job time. #drained
Aug: NEW JOB! Bf birthday things!
Sep: ??? new tattoo (don't mind if I tat-DO!), lots of social/community, getting used to new job
Oct:
Annnnnnnd here we are.
This year could not have been more of a blur. I remember New Year's Eve/Day, it was spent with very important people and I would not trade a second of it. Precious times, for sure. And I'm finally "home" with my age and I am pumped about my new job (and possibly more importantly: leaving the flaming hot mess of garbage the previous job was/is/will proceed be, likely). But what exactly did I do this summer?
I sold art at my good job, which was quite an experience. Still selling it now (it's being displayed elsewhere). I remember spending time being off-the-cuff-social (my absolute favorite way to be social) and I recall spending an insurmountable percentage of my paycheck at the local bar and coffee shop. I went to beach precisely two times; once by myself and once with W. I think mainly it was a lot of maintenance activity. Very adult things.
And yet I still do not feel as though it was squandered. I love summer - I don't think I have had a single bad one since being old enough to make my own decisions.
THE REASON I was sorting through old blog posts was because a friend, and local shop owner, is having an event at her book store soon. This will be an event where local writers can assemble and read bits they've written on the given topic. I will do my best to find something, but in the event that I do not, it will be lovely to hear what others have written.
Tuesday, October 1, 2019
Listening to Noise
Some may say that I have questionable taste in music. Because aside from the fact the somebody decided to make it and circulate it enough so that the melody at least reached my ears, there usually isn't a terribly big audience for it. At least not in the way that I fall for it. But there will always be bands less popular than Ariana Grande, than Beyonce, than Frank Sinatra. And even though I love me some Ari, thoroughly enjoy Sinatra and have danced plenty to Bey, it's just not quite the same feeling as when I listen to "My Music".
My Music is the music that has so much bloody noise going on (between instruments, voice and varied electronics) you almost feel exhausted after you listen to it. It fills my ears. It is complete. There is literally no moment in the song where there is not something going on. No time for silence. So much to say. And the less technically poised the singer is, the better off I am. I understand people like Whitney Houston have technically incredible, talented sound and out-of-this-world capability. I understand that that sound is beautiful. I just don't like listening to it as much as this noisy shit that I love so much. Their sound simply does not personally appeal to me in the same way. (I am the same way with movies: I can tell if a movie is good/well done/aesthetic/well-structured, but I still may not like it. I still may find it too long, or boring, or simply not entertaining.)
I like music that leaves no gap to think. No span to sensibly come to your own conclusion. About anything! This affords me honesty. I simply feel. For better or for worse.
Special Thanks to:
Talking Heads, Beck, Wolf Parade, Thao & the Get Down Stay Downs, Grimes, LCD Soundsystem, Sylvan Esso, EL VY, M.I.A., Hot Chip, Cold War Kids, Peter, Bjorn & John, Muse, Modest Mouse & Sleigh Bells. xo
My Music is the music that has so much bloody noise going on (between instruments, voice and varied electronics) you almost feel exhausted after you listen to it. It fills my ears. It is complete. There is literally no moment in the song where there is not something going on. No time for silence. So much to say. And the less technically poised the singer is, the better off I am. I understand people like Whitney Houston have technically incredible, talented sound and out-of-this-world capability. I understand that that sound is beautiful. I just don't like listening to it as much as this noisy shit that I love so much. Their sound simply does not personally appeal to me in the same way. (I am the same way with movies: I can tell if a movie is good/well done/aesthetic/well-structured, but I still may not like it. I still may find it too long, or boring, or simply not entertaining.)
I like music that leaves no gap to think. No span to sensibly come to your own conclusion. About anything! This affords me honesty. I simply feel. For better or for worse.
Special Thanks to:
Talking Heads, Beck, Wolf Parade, Thao & the Get Down Stay Downs, Grimes, LCD Soundsystem, Sylvan Esso, EL VY, M.I.A., Hot Chip, Cold War Kids, Peter, Bjorn & John, Muse, Modest Mouse & Sleigh Bells. xo
In Plain Sight
In both of my current jobs, I am allowed to listen to music/podcasts/whatever while I work. It just has to be of a reasonable volume/in your headphones.
I am eternally grateful for this. I have always said "If I can just find a job that lets me listen to whatever music I want while I do it, I will immediately count myself lucky". I didn't know this then, but a lot of my graciousness has to do with the fact that listening to music (of my choice) while I do my job (/talk to others/clean my house/exist) really tethers me to my current space and allows me to narrow my focus. If something irritating happens/a setback occurs and I am not listening to music I am immediately more likely to feel the heat of frustration under my skin. However, playing my tunes kind of starts me at a +10 handicap for the day, and so I am much less likely to freak out. It soothes the savage beast, as it were.
**(Quick interjection: the music really does have to be at just the right volume. Just enough to drown me. If it's too low it's irritating/distracting, like a mosquito. If it's too loud I worry about other people hearing it and am unable to relax. I know, I know; it's just got to be a joy living with me.)**
***(Think of how I feel! I can't get away!)***
I basically find any unsavory situation to be at least made bearable by the right music. It will either sharpen my focus or allow me to escape a bit. To tether me or turn me loose. Best of both worlds.
It has come to my attention that not everyone feels this way. For example: W is at home, writing in his spare time. The place is quiet. Low-key. Just him and the cat. Peaceful, even. Should a conversation on the street elevate too much in volume, his focus will be pulled and his writing will suffer. He may get frustrated and decide to save the activity for another day. I, meanwhile, may get my best blog-work done when I am amidst a noisy crowd at my favorite watering hole; wild conversation and strange music abound. Why is this?
There are plenty of different factors, I am sure, for plenty of different reasons why. Mine, I can say with some certainty, has to do with being ignored. I simply work my best when I know that no one is paying attention to me. I have spent what feels like the better part of my life under watchful eyes (a term which, here, is referring to "people who were never told to mind their own business"). Life has given me plenty of great opportunity (and I have worked for plenty, myself). The one luxury it is unlikely to afford me is uninterrupted alone time. And so, the way I best know how to relax is when I know everyone else's attention is being spent on "something else". Something more fascinating than a female. Something more fascinating than someone in their environment. Doing something they find to be unusual. What's a good bet, then? Alcohol, of course. A bar provides alcohol, and - depending on which bar you choose - a strict policy on children. Not being allowed in, I mean. Because adults are relatively easy to distract. A child, however, will remember you promised them a game of tag nine hours into the evening.
My point is that when there are other people talking around me, I feel as though they are all basically uninterested in what I am doing. I feel as though there are more important things going on, other than me. When people are talking, even if said people are right next to me, I feel like I can actually relax and essentially do my own thing. I can't usually be alone. And I have tried like hell to "excuse myself", and all that does is bring more attention to me. And the longer I am gone, the more people pay attention.
Sometimes the best place to hide is in plain sight.
And when you can't hide in plain sight, maybe try the bathroom. People will still talk, but they might leave you alone-ish. And usually there's a lock.
I am eternally grateful for this. I have always said "If I can just find a job that lets me listen to whatever music I want while I do it, I will immediately count myself lucky". I didn't know this then, but a lot of my graciousness has to do with the fact that listening to music (of my choice) while I do my job (/talk to others/clean my house/exist) really tethers me to my current space and allows me to narrow my focus. If something irritating happens/a setback occurs and I am not listening to music I am immediately more likely to feel the heat of frustration under my skin. However, playing my tunes kind of starts me at a +10 handicap for the day, and so I am much less likely to freak out. It soothes the savage beast, as it were.
**(Quick interjection: the music really does have to be at just the right volume. Just enough to drown me. If it's too low it's irritating/distracting, like a mosquito. If it's too loud I worry about other people hearing it and am unable to relax. I know, I know; it's just got to be a joy living with me.)**
***(Think of how I feel! I can't get away!)***
I basically find any unsavory situation to be at least made bearable by the right music. It will either sharpen my focus or allow me to escape a bit. To tether me or turn me loose. Best of both worlds.
It has come to my attention that not everyone feels this way. For example: W is at home, writing in his spare time. The place is quiet. Low-key. Just him and the cat. Peaceful, even. Should a conversation on the street elevate too much in volume, his focus will be pulled and his writing will suffer. He may get frustrated and decide to save the activity for another day. I, meanwhile, may get my best blog-work done when I am amidst a noisy crowd at my favorite watering hole; wild conversation and strange music abound. Why is this?
There are plenty of different factors, I am sure, for plenty of different reasons why. Mine, I can say with some certainty, has to do with being ignored. I simply work my best when I know that no one is paying attention to me. I have spent what feels like the better part of my life under watchful eyes (a term which, here, is referring to "people who were never told to mind their own business"). Life has given me plenty of great opportunity (and I have worked for plenty, myself). The one luxury it is unlikely to afford me is uninterrupted alone time. And so, the way I best know how to relax is when I know everyone else's attention is being spent on "something else". Something more fascinating than a female. Something more fascinating than someone in their environment. Doing something they find to be unusual. What's a good bet, then? Alcohol, of course. A bar provides alcohol, and - depending on which bar you choose - a strict policy on children. Not being allowed in, I mean. Because adults are relatively easy to distract. A child, however, will remember you promised them a game of tag nine hours into the evening.
My point is that when there are other people talking around me, I feel as though they are all basically uninterested in what I am doing. I feel as though there are more important things going on, other than me. When people are talking, even if said people are right next to me, I feel like I can actually relax and essentially do my own thing. I can't usually be alone. And I have tried like hell to "excuse myself", and all that does is bring more attention to me. And the longer I am gone, the more people pay attention.
Sometimes the best place to hide is in plain sight.
And when you can't hide in plain sight, maybe try the bathroom. People will still talk, but they might leave you alone-ish. And usually there's a lock.
Thursday, August 22, 2019
Mind Balance
The amount of things the human mind is able to balance is incredible. I've been told it (and believed it), of course! But to really catch it as it is happening first-hand? What a marvel.
We are able to take what we have experienced/"been through" and apply it directly to a brand-spanking new situation/setting; the cast and players are different. You're older now. You've got a different job and occupy a different space (take that as you would like). Nobody is telling you what to do. There is no helping hand to remind you of the things you've survived while you were riding solo. How could there be? It was only you! And it's only you now. And you remember and apply all on your own! It is second-nature to you, you magnificent creature.
"Hm, this job is asking too much of me for too little pay... I know from my past experiences that it starts out small and results in me doing nearly everything while everyone else acts on the bare minimum, accomplishing nothing. For months/years. And for my starting pay while I make all of them look good enough to raise their wages. I will not let this happen again."
"Hm, this apartment's plumbing is a bit wonky, and the landlord said they would fix it once I moved in... I know from my past experiences that some landlords will provide empty promises and once they've got me locked in a lease, they will disappear. I'll tell them 'no dice'."
"Hm, this new partner is not cleaning/fixing our home, and leaving it all to me... I know from my past experiences that the nicer/more easy-going I am in the beginning, the more the will take advantage of my nice/easy-going nature in the long run. I'll set some boundaries."
It happens lightning-fast! And it wouldn't even end there. For example; I've been burned a few times in my "romantic"-past (who hasn't), and so I would be likely to have a similar thought as mentioned above. But then! The thought would go on to look something like this:
"Hm. He's doing the things that my past-lovers did that were red flags for disrespect/being taken advantage of. I better set boundaries. But I also had better take great care in the way I go about setting those boundaries, because there is still a chance that he is not like my past-lovers. Not to mention he has not done anything too criminal as of yet, and so deserves respect - plus I cannot allow myself to compromise my principals in reaction to another's unsavory acts/behaviors. However in doing so, I must stand up for myself, unlike what I used to do; taking the shape of a doormat. However I also recognize not being taken seriously and not being respected as huge insecurities of mine (also from past situations), and so I must tread lightly, as this lover may not, in fact, be doing anything wrong. This entire situation could very well be a direct result of my insecurity projection."
...HELLO?
Is this not incredible? Does this not astound you? Are you not amused??
And this is all while keeping in fair condition with other relationships, in between scheduling and keeping doctor's appointments, paying your bills, absolutely killing it on the job front... I honestly had to realize it first hand, in a very specific way in order to really recognize it. And when you think of it that way, how mad can you really be at yourself for making the wrong decision? For causing a slip?
Be gentle on yourself, kitten.
We are able to take what we have experienced/"been through" and apply it directly to a brand-spanking new situation/setting; the cast and players are different. You're older now. You've got a different job and occupy a different space (take that as you would like). Nobody is telling you what to do. There is no helping hand to remind you of the things you've survived while you were riding solo. How could there be? It was only you! And it's only you now. And you remember and apply all on your own! It is second-nature to you, you magnificent creature.
"Hm, this job is asking too much of me for too little pay... I know from my past experiences that it starts out small and results in me doing nearly everything while everyone else acts on the bare minimum, accomplishing nothing. For months/years. And for my starting pay while I make all of them look good enough to raise their wages. I will not let this happen again."
"Hm, this apartment's plumbing is a bit wonky, and the landlord said they would fix it once I moved in... I know from my past experiences that some landlords will provide empty promises and once they've got me locked in a lease, they will disappear. I'll tell them 'no dice'."
"Hm, this new partner is not cleaning/fixing our home, and leaving it all to me... I know from my past experiences that the nicer/more easy-going I am in the beginning, the more the will take advantage of my nice/easy-going nature in the long run. I'll set some boundaries."
It happens lightning-fast! And it wouldn't even end there. For example; I've been burned a few times in my "romantic"-past (who hasn't), and so I would be likely to have a similar thought as mentioned above. But then! The thought would go on to look something like this:
"Hm. He's doing the things that my past-lovers did that were red flags for disrespect/being taken advantage of. I better set boundaries. But I also had better take great care in the way I go about setting those boundaries, because there is still a chance that he is not like my past-lovers. Not to mention he has not done anything too criminal as of yet, and so deserves respect - plus I cannot allow myself to compromise my principals in reaction to another's unsavory acts/behaviors. However in doing so, I must stand up for myself, unlike what I used to do; taking the shape of a doormat. However I also recognize not being taken seriously and not being respected as huge insecurities of mine (also from past situations), and so I must tread lightly, as this lover may not, in fact, be doing anything wrong. This entire situation could very well be a direct result of my insecurity projection."
...HELLO?
Is this not incredible? Does this not astound you? Are you not amused??
And this is all while keeping in fair condition with other relationships, in between scheduling and keeping doctor's appointments, paying your bills, absolutely killing it on the job front... I honestly had to realize it first hand, in a very specific way in order to really recognize it. And when you think of it that way, how mad can you really be at yourself for making the wrong decision? For causing a slip?
Be gentle on yourself, kitten.
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
Genetics
This article is likely to be all over the place
...you have been warned.
Not owning a television has done wonders for my mind, body and soul. It has also, however, brought something to my attention: if the news does not come to me, I do not go to it. Ergo, I am grotesquely under-informed. And so, when someone comes up to me and tells me about something that has grown stale and even crumbled off the "current events" page, there is nothing left for me to do but process it via a blog entry. Because if I have not been watching the news/current events actively, that also means that I have not been afforded the luxury of hearing the story bit by bit, "as it develops". I hear it by way of a big chunk, and right in the damn middle of it. No warning. No hint. No sequence of mornings in the comfort of my own kitchen where I quietly shake my head and scoff over my cup of Joe.
As I understand, there are (and have been) parties that have created (and will, doubtlessly continue to create) their very own DNA.
Okay, wait, by that I don't mean like... hair. They are not growing their own hair on their heads, as we all do. Well, most of us. Well, they probably are growing their own hair on their head. What I mean to say is that there are actual scientists and science-smart individuals who are creating original gene sequences. And then what?? Well it's America, so... naturally the aforementioned decided it was their duty/right to patent these creations.
Genes! Their patenting genes!
What world am I living in (at the risk of sounding like the first grandmother to hear about something really fantastic, like condoms)?? When will we ever stop. Will we ever stop. Which, I mean, I shouldn't even ask at this point. Because "NO", obviously. It's all in the pattern. The pattern is the same, the land we explore is new, and so; are the results. So we get to be shallowly comforted by recognizing the same dots and dashes while absolutely shitting our pants at the impending unknown. Has nobody watched REPO! The Genetic Opera? ...Again, I already know the answer to that is mostly "no". Shame. A real gem, that.
These science-types claim that this exercise is for the good of us; discovery, control of one's destiny and - my personal favorite - "cancer research". Good god. It's all cancer research, isn't it? Because the moment we hear that, we are pigeon-holed into supporting it. (Don't support the research? Don't support the cure.) And at the risk of sounding like additional people I would rather not sound like; it's a conspiracy! Okay, maybe not that extreme, but it certainly doesn't seem like the truth. After all, when was the last time someone with money did something really good for a group of strangers for no reason? Did you say "never"? Here's your gold star.
And I'm not expecting people to cure cancer, even, out of the good of their hearts. I expect them to do it for the money. And I'm sort of fine with that. But when it comes at the price of mass-hysteria, mass-mutilation or mass-destruction, I take issue with it. Try and imagine a life where the government literally owns you. Down to your genes. You didn't even like living under your parents' reign. This would be a nightmare. Or is it, perhaps, that eventually the owned individual will not even think twice about being owned. Because they have been designed that way. Some trillionaire's idea of a utopian society. And what will he design it for? Well, for money, what else?
...you have been warned.
Not owning a television has done wonders for my mind, body and soul. It has also, however, brought something to my attention: if the news does not come to me, I do not go to it. Ergo, I am grotesquely under-informed. And so, when someone comes up to me and tells me about something that has grown stale and even crumbled off the "current events" page, there is nothing left for me to do but process it via a blog entry. Because if I have not been watching the news/current events actively, that also means that I have not been afforded the luxury of hearing the story bit by bit, "as it develops". I hear it by way of a big chunk, and right in the damn middle of it. No warning. No hint. No sequence of mornings in the comfort of my own kitchen where I quietly shake my head and scoff over my cup of Joe.
As I understand, there are (and have been) parties that have created (and will, doubtlessly continue to create) their very own DNA.
Okay, wait, by that I don't mean like... hair. They are not growing their own hair on their heads, as we all do. Well, most of us. Well, they probably are growing their own hair on their head. What I mean to say is that there are actual scientists and science-smart individuals who are creating original gene sequences. And then what?? Well it's America, so... naturally the aforementioned decided it was their duty/right to patent these creations.
Genes! Their patenting genes!
What world am I living in (at the risk of sounding like the first grandmother to hear about something really fantastic, like condoms)?? When will we ever stop. Will we ever stop. Which, I mean, I shouldn't even ask at this point. Because "NO", obviously. It's all in the pattern. The pattern is the same, the land we explore is new, and so; are the results. So we get to be shallowly comforted by recognizing the same dots and dashes while absolutely shitting our pants at the impending unknown. Has nobody watched REPO! The Genetic Opera? ...Again, I already know the answer to that is mostly "no". Shame. A real gem, that.
These science-types claim that this exercise is for the good of us; discovery, control of one's destiny and - my personal favorite - "cancer research". Good god. It's all cancer research, isn't it? Because the moment we hear that, we are pigeon-holed into supporting it. (Don't support the research? Don't support the cure.) And at the risk of sounding like additional people I would rather not sound like; it's a conspiracy! Okay, maybe not that extreme, but it certainly doesn't seem like the truth. After all, when was the last time someone with money did something really good for a group of strangers for no reason? Did you say "never"? Here's your gold star.
And I'm not expecting people to cure cancer, even, out of the good of their hearts. I expect them to do it for the money. And I'm sort of fine with that. But when it comes at the price of mass-hysteria, mass-mutilation or mass-destruction, I take issue with it. Try and imagine a life where the government literally owns you. Down to your genes. You didn't even like living under your parents' reign. This would be a nightmare. Or is it, perhaps, that eventually the owned individual will not even think twice about being owned. Because they have been designed that way. Some trillionaire's idea of a utopian society. And what will he design it for? Well, for money, what else?
Entrepreneurs
I think there is something to be said for those of us who can get a job, keep it, and properly retire.
There is also something to be said for "following your heart", for trying new things and/or for continuing to grow.
This generation, perhaps more than those passed, has admittedly strayed from the life that was expected of them. Our parents, grandparents and even generations prior have certainly added their own twists to the "way through life"; limes on the rim of a gin and tonic. But this generation created its own cocktail and decided a cherry was the proper garnish. (Really ...mixing things up... if you will.) Our hobbies have become our livelihood. The thing you used to love to do, gather throughout the year and scissor-hold to the annual craft fair (for pennies) has now become your main source of income. You used to have to remember to make time for it after work. Now you have to remember to stop and eat (no one should hustle 24/7).
Of course, it's not all excitement, blazing your own trail, being a twenty-something entrepreneur. There are plenty of us who are simply not cut out for that life. Who are better off working for someone else. And, naturally, there are only so many services one can offer; so many "boss babes" the world can take before it realizes it's missing something:
the consumer.
We can't all be supervisors, can we? For in a world of only kings, who is left to monarch? I think it is really fantastic that this generation has had some major opportunities to well-combat the ones kept by those before them. And if we do not deal in extremes, we will all not only prevail, but supersede. I just know how things typically go when money is involved.* At least in America. I will not theoretically doom Canada or Europe to the same fate (as I have not experienced those places first-hand). And, I suppose, at the end of the day, there is simply no use worrying about things one cannot change. It's just something that's been on my mind. Just Thinking.
*see: prior blog post about media influx.
There is also something to be said for "following your heart", for trying new things and/or for continuing to grow.
This generation, perhaps more than those passed, has admittedly strayed from the life that was expected of them. Our parents, grandparents and even generations prior have certainly added their own twists to the "way through life"; limes on the rim of a gin and tonic. But this generation created its own cocktail and decided a cherry was the proper garnish. (Really ...mixing things up... if you will.) Our hobbies have become our livelihood. The thing you used to love to do, gather throughout the year and scissor-hold to the annual craft fair (for pennies) has now become your main source of income. You used to have to remember to make time for it after work. Now you have to remember to stop and eat (no one should hustle 24/7).
Of course, it's not all excitement, blazing your own trail, being a twenty-something entrepreneur. There are plenty of us who are simply not cut out for that life. Who are better off working for someone else. And, naturally, there are only so many services one can offer; so many "boss babes" the world can take before it realizes it's missing something:
the consumer.
We can't all be supervisors, can we? For in a world of only kings, who is left to monarch? I think it is really fantastic that this generation has had some major opportunities to well-combat the ones kept by those before them. And if we do not deal in extremes, we will all not only prevail, but supersede. I just know how things typically go when money is involved.* At least in America. I will not theoretically doom Canada or Europe to the same fate (as I have not experienced those places first-hand). And, I suppose, at the end of the day, there is simply no use worrying about things one cannot change. It's just something that's been on my mind. Just Thinking.
*see: prior blog post about media influx.
Thursday, August 8, 2019
Therapy
I have a great respect for therapists and other people who actively use their minds productively.
I don't suspect all therapists do what they do professionally because of their deep drive to help others, I suspect some do it simply because it is a job. I also am not deterred in the least at this prospect (to attend a session, that is). I would actually be happier to know that they don't actually give a shit about me as an individual. If I would like to be around people who care about me, I can go to my loved one(s). What I think I would like is someone terribly analytical. Someone who knows no details of my life. A fresh slate who owes me nothing. This will afford honesty (for both parties). Preferably, this therapist will not know any of my loved ones/co-workers/people who I interact with on a daily basis (if they knew all/any of them, this would make me feel as though I could not be completely honest/opinionated about anything. A great hindrance, as I understand, in this situation).
I am considering this topic because I believe I have come to a realization: there are so many people you just can't talk to. Additionally, the few people you really do feel like you can talk to are probably lovely people who do not deserve a consistent inundation of negativity that you/one sometimes feels as though they must eject. Which is a tough opinion to have because, ideally, you will speak honestly to these precious few, and it could be argued that if you omit parts of your life (especially those parts that you consider to be "large" or "important") you are being dishonest. Which is unfavorable, in my opinion. And may make you tougher to relate to, which may cost you the opportunity for a deeper relationship. (To which I argue: if you cannot be yourself / do what is comfortable or what feels right to you around your friends, are they really your friends?) (To which I argue: are you really being yourself if you are to commit such omissions?) It is also a tough opinion to have because I try to treat people the way I would like to be treated and I know that I do not mind when my loved ones "spill their beans" to me. However, the longer I live, the more I also realize that there are many things that I don't mind that the public at large very much do mind (and vise verse). Life is complicated.
At any rate, when you have someone/something in your life that is making you upset/angry/sad, and you feel as though you should/want to talk about it, I think the absolute safest thing to do about it is to tell a stranger who is getting paid to keep their mouth shut and keep your business anonymous. Especially if they don't actually know you or anyone who effects your everyday life. (This is, of course, purely supposition, as I have never actually gone to therapy.) Money appears to be the golden motivator for the masses. A therapist shares something that a patient told them in confidence? No more money. It is an odd system, but one that likely works.
This option (therapy) also seems very attractive to me because I feel as though talking about my problems would help me (maybe help me solve some things, which always feels good), but I do not want whoever I tell to hate whoever I am talking about. If I tell my mother about how Jenny is being mean to me, she will likely immediately act defensively toward Jenny on my behalf. This does not necessarily make my mother a horrible person, this is just likely a reaction, or perhaps just the way that my mother sees fit to display her love and care for me. Not to mention, my mother has never had the relationship with Jenny that I have. My mother has not spent countless weekends venturing around town with Jenny, or hours in coffee shops, talking away, as I have. She has, however, raised me. Therefore my mother will naturally be less forgiving. It is hardly ever a decision to be made. Typically just a reaction. And there is also little I would be able to do to coerce my mother into forgiving Jenny once our friendship is no longer on the rocks. And I don't know what Jenny has done in this situation, but surely she does not deserve a fate so harsh.
Perhaps it is odd that I would feel more comfortable telling my "secrets" to a complete stranger. Perhaps that should be my first session.
I don't suspect all therapists do what they do professionally because of their deep drive to help others, I suspect some do it simply because it is a job. I also am not deterred in the least at this prospect (to attend a session, that is). I would actually be happier to know that they don't actually give a shit about me as an individual. If I would like to be around people who care about me, I can go to my loved one(s). What I think I would like is someone terribly analytical. Someone who knows no details of my life. A fresh slate who owes me nothing. This will afford honesty (for both parties). Preferably, this therapist will not know any of my loved ones/co-workers/people who I interact with on a daily basis (if they knew all/any of them, this would make me feel as though I could not be completely honest/opinionated about anything. A great hindrance, as I understand, in this situation).
I am considering this topic because I believe I have come to a realization: there are so many people you just can't talk to. Additionally, the few people you really do feel like you can talk to are probably lovely people who do not deserve a consistent inundation of negativity that you/one sometimes feels as though they must eject. Which is a tough opinion to have because, ideally, you will speak honestly to these precious few, and it could be argued that if you omit parts of your life (especially those parts that you consider to be "large" or "important") you are being dishonest. Which is unfavorable, in my opinion. And may make you tougher to relate to, which may cost you the opportunity for a deeper relationship. (To which I argue: if you cannot be yourself / do what is comfortable or what feels right to you around your friends, are they really your friends?) (To which I argue: are you really being yourself if you are to commit such omissions?) It is also a tough opinion to have because I try to treat people the way I would like to be treated and I know that I do not mind when my loved ones "spill their beans" to me. However, the longer I live, the more I also realize that there are many things that I don't mind that the public at large very much do mind (and vise verse). Life is complicated.
At any rate, when you have someone/something in your life that is making you upset/angry/sad, and you feel as though you should/want to talk about it, I think the absolute safest thing to do about it is to tell a stranger who is getting paid to keep their mouth shut and keep your business anonymous. Especially if they don't actually know you or anyone who effects your everyday life. (This is, of course, purely supposition, as I have never actually gone to therapy.) Money appears to be the golden motivator for the masses. A therapist shares something that a patient told them in confidence? No more money. It is an odd system, but one that likely works.
This option (therapy) also seems very attractive to me because I feel as though talking about my problems would help me (maybe help me solve some things, which always feels good), but I do not want whoever I tell to hate whoever I am talking about. If I tell my mother about how Jenny is being mean to me, she will likely immediately act defensively toward Jenny on my behalf. This does not necessarily make my mother a horrible person, this is just likely a reaction, or perhaps just the way that my mother sees fit to display her love and care for me. Not to mention, my mother has never had the relationship with Jenny that I have. My mother has not spent countless weekends venturing around town with Jenny, or hours in coffee shops, talking away, as I have. She has, however, raised me. Therefore my mother will naturally be less forgiving. It is hardly ever a decision to be made. Typically just a reaction. And there is also little I would be able to do to coerce my mother into forgiving Jenny once our friendship is no longer on the rocks. And I don't know what Jenny has done in this situation, but surely she does not deserve a fate so harsh.
Perhaps it is odd that I would feel more comfortable telling my "secrets" to a complete stranger. Perhaps that should be my first session.
Tuesday, July 23, 2019
Now vs Eventually
Today it has come down to a choice of longevity versus immediacy (if that is, in fact, how you would word such a thing).
To some, being in an environment that promotes contentedness is very important. For example: I choose to work jobs that keep me content, actively pursue happiness and surround myself with the people I love most. Partaking in activities that (for the most part) do not stress me out to high heavens, and live in a place I love. Obviously there are circumstances where not all of these items are available/realistically obtainable, etc... and so I count myself very lucky. Also, of course: there are plenty of people who convince themselves that they either cannot achieve these things - when, with a little elbow grease, they certainly could - and/or that these things are not truly "what it's about" for them.
Not too long ago, I found myself in an environment I disliked with a person who did not value me and a job that was quickly mutilating my physical body and destroying my sleep pattern at break-neck speed. So I came back "home", surrounded myself with promising people and places and gladly took the pay-cut. At said time, I was able to "take it easy" and get plenty of time to write (my true passion!). Seemed like the perfect plan.
Now, however, I find myself in the situation of realization: I could keep working at these jobs that are lower-paying and give me some very long days and some very short days (the appeal, of course, being that on these short days I have time for reading and writing). And in doing so I could professionally lay low and work these jobs for an indefinite time. OR, I could buckle down, work one job that pays better with a set "banker's hours" schedule, stay out of trouble/go out less/have less daytime off and save like a mad man. The idea behind this option would be that eventually I could simply retire early and have a bunch of days off for reading and writing indefinitely.
I cannot tell you how many times I have been faced with this option, and I am sure this will not be the last time I consider it. And who knows? Perhaps I will never retire and just switch back and forth between the two options until I fall to an "untimely" death (from working so hard). My opinions and goals are ever-changing; perhaps this will be "the thing". For right now, however, at the age I find myself in, the one job seems like the most appealing.
Last night I was asked about my future. How I would see it. And although I was convinced that I had "never given much thought to it", words came out of my mouth in a mudslide. They came out smooth and complete, as if they had been rehearsed at great length. I really learned something.
I think that there is much to be said for being in the moment, taking things as they come and not rushing anywhere. I also think (classic: balance) that, once you do find out where you really want to be, you'd be a fool not to move your feet.
To some, being in an environment that promotes contentedness is very important. For example: I choose to work jobs that keep me content, actively pursue happiness and surround myself with the people I love most. Partaking in activities that (for the most part) do not stress me out to high heavens, and live in a place I love. Obviously there are circumstances where not all of these items are available/realistically obtainable, etc... and so I count myself very lucky. Also, of course: there are plenty of people who convince themselves that they either cannot achieve these things - when, with a little elbow grease, they certainly could - and/or that these things are not truly "what it's about" for them.
Not too long ago, I found myself in an environment I disliked with a person who did not value me and a job that was quickly mutilating my physical body and destroying my sleep pattern at break-neck speed. So I came back "home", surrounded myself with promising people and places and gladly took the pay-cut. At said time, I was able to "take it easy" and get plenty of time to write (my true passion!). Seemed like the perfect plan.
Now, however, I find myself in the situation of realization: I could keep working at these jobs that are lower-paying and give me some very long days and some very short days (the appeal, of course, being that on these short days I have time for reading and writing). And in doing so I could professionally lay low and work these jobs for an indefinite time. OR, I could buckle down, work one job that pays better with a set "banker's hours" schedule, stay out of trouble/go out less/have less daytime off and save like a mad man. The idea behind this option would be that eventually I could simply retire early and have a bunch of days off for reading and writing indefinitely.
I cannot tell you how many times I have been faced with this option, and I am sure this will not be the last time I consider it. And who knows? Perhaps I will never retire and just switch back and forth between the two options until I fall to an "untimely" death (from working so hard). My opinions and goals are ever-changing; perhaps this will be "the thing". For right now, however, at the age I find myself in, the one job seems like the most appealing.
Last night I was asked about my future. How I would see it. And although I was convinced that I had "never given much thought to it", words came out of my mouth in a mudslide. They came out smooth and complete, as if they had been rehearsed at great length. I really learned something.
I think that there is much to be said for being in the moment, taking things as they come and not rushing anywhere. I also think (classic: balance) that, once you do find out where you really want to be, you'd be a fool not to move your feet.
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
Personalized Health
Smoking (in any form) is simply a really silly thing to do and I just wouldn't suggest it to anyone. I will say the same thing about consuming drugs, alcohol and animal products.
However!
At a certain point, it really comes down to a "Choose Your Own Adventure" as well as considering what you really care about. For example:
If you really care about postponing your own death, I think it would make sense to not smoke/drink, get plenty of exercise (but not too much/nothing too strenuous), keep calm (stress kills) and not eat any animal products (while still feeling free to use things such as leather in your everyday fashion).
If animals are your main concern, might I suggest denying the consumption of animal products completely (no eggs, dairy or leather) and you could lay off the serenity, exercise and smoke/drink to your heart's content.
Passion for the environment? Walk to your destination (in lieu of driving), don't smoke, I suppose you could drink, be lazy and stressed and stay on the vegan train.
Not to mention other factors like auto-immune diseases, as it has been argued that smoking (something that sort of attacks your immune system) might save you from suffering from your auto-immune symptoms. Or things like location: if there ever was a time where (for some reason) meat and cheese and egg were your only options for sustenance. At this point if your hunger meant more to you than your passion for animals, you would be likely to eat said animal products.
Not sure if this blog has a point, I really just think it is an interesting topic and I think it fits nicely into my general adoration of "balance" and "choosing the lesser of two evils".
However!
At a certain point, it really comes down to a "Choose Your Own Adventure" as well as considering what you really care about. For example:
If you really care about postponing your own death, I think it would make sense to not smoke/drink, get plenty of exercise (but not too much/nothing too strenuous), keep calm (stress kills) and not eat any animal products (while still feeling free to use things such as leather in your everyday fashion).
If animals are your main concern, might I suggest denying the consumption of animal products completely (no eggs, dairy or leather) and you could lay off the serenity, exercise and smoke/drink to your heart's content.
Passion for the environment? Walk to your destination (in lieu of driving), don't smoke, I suppose you could drink, be lazy and stressed and stay on the vegan train.
Not to mention other factors like auto-immune diseases, as it has been argued that smoking (something that sort of attacks your immune system) might save you from suffering from your auto-immune symptoms. Or things like location: if there ever was a time where (for some reason) meat and cheese and egg were your only options for sustenance. At this point if your hunger meant more to you than your passion for animals, you would be likely to eat said animal products.
Not sure if this blog has a point, I really just think it is an interesting topic and I think it fits nicely into my general adoration of "balance" and "choosing the lesser of two evils".
Friday, July 12, 2019
Church & State
Relevant points from previous blog entry:
1.) Things get a little squiffy when religion is involved.
2.) Not everyone is going to get what they want all the time.
2.) Not everyone is going to get what they want all the time.
When it comes to politics, I really don't know what I am talking about by way of studious learnings and reading activities, I really just apply what I have learned in life to come to a conclusion about it. Much like I would any other matter. Of course there are plenty of details and things to consider when it comes to such an immense topic. The things that have been on my mind lately are mostly related to human rights and freedoms.
It is already a known difficult topic and only becomes dicier when you are considering a thing like "Freedom" in a place like "America". Land of the free. We've got that whole lot of rights and so on to keep us strong and independent. It is what our systems are based on. The trouble is: sometimes things that can be considered "traditional" desperately need an update to truly perpetuate freedoms/independence/rights. We have grown as a people; we have learned that women are people. Okay, so let's update that whole "she can't vote" business. Easy fix, right? Wrong. Plenty of people fought this for plenty of reasons, one of which was that we shouldn't mess with our tradition; our rules and standards that this country was built upon. If we change that, what else will we change? Something about segregation, perhaps?? The very idea.
I am not saying all original ideas/standards put forth by our forefathers were shit; I quite like a lot of them. Same could be said about tradition as a whole. Tradition can be quite useful. Like that whole tradition of murder being frowned upon. That's a fantastic one, in my opinion. But it is only just that: my opinion. And it can be quite difficult to know who's opinion to heed. Who's voice to listen to. These matters we vote on often becoming so black and white when in reality? We could use a little balance. A ...Gray Scale, if you will.
It is also particularly trying when you consider the fact that Church was so much more prevalent when we were creating these laws for ourselves! Plenty of our laws (like the no-murder ones) were actually sprung from what some berk read in a bible somewhere. These things only become more and more confusing when you throw a thing like religion into the mix.
Let's say Joanie is of a religion that says she has to eat lunch every day at precisely noon. Does that mean her government job should allow her to do so every single day? Doing so would be unfair to others who work there (who also really would love to take their lunch at noon). And if the boss didn't hire her due to this, Joanie would only sue and win and get the job anyway. WHICH would be Joanie's right to do, thanks to plenty of American laws. Or would it be the boss' law-protecting right to not hire this Joanie? Becomes quite arduous.
On serious matter: there are plenty of people who believe abortion should be illegal because of religious reasons. On the other hand, there are people who believe it is the individual's (woman with child's) right to do what she wants with her body (in accordance to laws that protect freedom), and as such, should have the ability to choose. (As far as I am concerned, this one is a pretty simple one.) Or how about the fact that our Canadian brethren (I know; that's not America. Just hang in there, baby) have, as I understand, made it illegal to call an individual by the incorrect pronoun? Now, as far as I am concerned, everybody can prefer to be called/known as whatever they want. It really seems like none of my business. HOWever; to go so far as to make it illegal? This one isn't even religion-related, but it's got me baffled in a similar manner. Without even bringing things like sadistic people (who would assume a pronoun just to get someone else in trouble/jailed) and loopholes into this, I really believe that this is more of a "manners" issue than it is "judicial". Of course it could be argued that it is entirely not the thing to kill someone, and doing so would be considered quite rude. But this Canadian law, I think, might be closer to "bullying" than even "slander".
We create our laws to protect. But it is impossible to protect every single person's "rights" because at some point there will be a disagreement. An argument of what the definition of "rights" is. I have the right to say something online and not be berated. But, wait, everyone else who sees it online has the right to say what they want about the original article. And then, naturally, there are some things that the government should simply keep its nose out of.
We create our laws to protect. But it is impossible to protect every single person's "rights" because at some point there will be a disagreement. An argument of what the definition of "rights" is. I have the right to say something online and not be berated. But, wait, everyone else who sees it online has the right to say what they want about the original article. And then, naturally, there are some things that the government should simply keep its nose out of.
Heaven
Here are two things that have been on my mind lately:
1.) Things get a little squiffy when religion is involved.
2.) Not everyone is going to get what they want all the time.
And I feel as though they match up under the same umbrella of thought/theory. I also feel as though this proposal deserves (at least) its own book. But I don't have a book. I have a blog and just enough time to write a bit in it. So here goes.
The idea of "Heaven" has always perplexed me. As a child I remember thinking that at a first glance the intention of it was simple enough to understand: Be good and you will be rewarded. Be bad and you will be punished. And I understood that. But once I got into the details of it, it simply seemed downright impossible. Because, as I understood, this "Heaven" is where you would be rewarded with a really great setting and scenario for the entirety of your afterlife. A place where you would be happy - forever. Let's get past the whole "we've been to space and haven't seen Heaven" thing, and arguments of the like. What I didn't understand is this:
How could I be perfectly happy forever in a Heaven where someone else - who has a completely different idea of "happiness" - was just as happy? One person's idea of Heaven has dogs everywhere (for snuggling). My idea of it would likely have little to no domesticated animals, as I do not care much for the hair, allergies or responsibilities that ensue. Is there someone else taking care of these creatures? Who? Why do they get stuck with it? That couldn't possibly be enough people's idea of Heaven to really take care of all of those dogs. Also, what if the dogs don't share the idea of this scenario being "Heaven"? Do they not get a say?
The point to all of this (holy cow) is: Not everyone is going to get what they want all the time. Also, what if my idea of "Heaven" is spending time with someone incredibly special who does not subscribe to the ideals that allow you into Heaven? Then I am out of luck, I suppose. Leading, of course, to possibly the most peaceful and least controversial evidence of the other point I had: Things get a little squiffy when religion is involved. So many holes! So many variables. If religion were a story, it wouldn't be a very good one, what with all the plot holes and (what some may find to be) injustice.
This leads me into the next topic I typically think of in congruence with the aforementioned:
"Separation of Church & State"
(see next blog)
1.) Things get a little squiffy when religion is involved.
2.) Not everyone is going to get what they want all the time.
And I feel as though they match up under the same umbrella of thought/theory. I also feel as though this proposal deserves (at least) its own book. But I don't have a book. I have a blog and just enough time to write a bit in it. So here goes.
The idea of "Heaven" has always perplexed me. As a child I remember thinking that at a first glance the intention of it was simple enough to understand: Be good and you will be rewarded. Be bad and you will be punished. And I understood that. But once I got into the details of it, it simply seemed downright impossible. Because, as I understood, this "Heaven" is where you would be rewarded with a really great setting and scenario for the entirety of your afterlife. A place where you would be happy - forever. Let's get past the whole "we've been to space and haven't seen Heaven" thing, and arguments of the like. What I didn't understand is this:
How could I be perfectly happy forever in a Heaven where someone else - who has a completely different idea of "happiness" - was just as happy? One person's idea of Heaven has dogs everywhere (for snuggling). My idea of it would likely have little to no domesticated animals, as I do not care much for the hair, allergies or responsibilities that ensue. Is there someone else taking care of these creatures? Who? Why do they get stuck with it? That couldn't possibly be enough people's idea of Heaven to really take care of all of those dogs. Also, what if the dogs don't share the idea of this scenario being "Heaven"? Do they not get a say?
The point to all of this (holy cow) is: Not everyone is going to get what they want all the time. Also, what if my idea of "Heaven" is spending time with someone incredibly special who does not subscribe to the ideals that allow you into Heaven? Then I am out of luck, I suppose. Leading, of course, to possibly the most peaceful and least controversial evidence of the other point I had: Things get a little squiffy when religion is involved. So many holes! So many variables. If religion were a story, it wouldn't be a very good one, what with all the plot holes and (what some may find to be) injustice.
This leads me into the next topic I typically think of in congruence with the aforementioned:
"Separation of Church & State"
(see next blog)
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
Gender / Identity pt II: Being Watched
I suppose I could have just edited the following into my original blog entry concerning the gender topic, but if I just make a brand new entry, I won't have to be distracted by the headache that comes with editing an old piece to reflect new feelings.
As I mentioned in the entry prior to this one; I never really markedly saw myself as a female, I just was. I just am. I was more (and am more) focused on the fashion side of things on the daily: today I want to wear these clothes that happen to reflect a more masculine theme. Today I would like to wear classically feminine items of clothing. Etc...
I'm not sure I delved completely into this, but I feel as though a lot of this genderless supposition stemmed from the desire to remain invisible to the people at large. Especially certain people. Like I had mentioned before; I only really wanted to be around/spend time with/be seen and noticed by my mother, father and sister. (Mainly my sister. I felt comfortable and brave around her and had fun with her.) When I think back to my younger years, I remember always feeling so frustrated because it felt like I was always being watched. If not by my helicopter mom, by the nosy children at school/in our neighborhood. By the boring adults (wherever I would be carted around to) with nothing better to do but stare impolitely at me as I uncomfortably shifted to holding my mother's other hand (they'll never find me on my mother's left side). I hated that they just got to stare at me. I wanted so badly to tell them all to fuck off, mind their own business and get a life.
Not much has changed.
I went from being a child ("Oh, look! A child! Let's all gawk at her and get unreasonably close to her and not respect her space because - let's face it - she's a child") to being a woman ("Oh, look! A woman! Let's all drool over her and get unreasonably close to e her and not respect her at all because - let's face it - she's a woman"). And every stage in between was just more grotesque feelings in a rush. People telling me how I've grown, noticing how I've developed. Asking me if I have a boyfriend. Fuck off. Is there no such thing as privacy?
I am certain I have no idea what it's like to grow up as a boy/young man/man. I will, however, say that not seeing myself as a female was probably my deep inner wish to no longer be gawked at. It was the only way I saw a way out. A way out of being gawked at / prodded at / invaded, in one way or another. I understand that if someone looks at you, it might just be them considering your outfit/hair/makeup, and not always in a positive way. And then there's always the thing where someone absent-mindedly has rested their physical eyeballs upon you (I call this "the morning stares"). But I also realize that, for the most part, it can be chalked up to nosy / hungry strangers.
As I mentioned in the entry prior to this one; I never really markedly saw myself as a female, I just was. I just am. I was more (and am more) focused on the fashion side of things on the daily: today I want to wear these clothes that happen to reflect a more masculine theme. Today I would like to wear classically feminine items of clothing. Etc...
I'm not sure I delved completely into this, but I feel as though a lot of this genderless supposition stemmed from the desire to remain invisible to the people at large. Especially certain people. Like I had mentioned before; I only really wanted to be around/spend time with/be seen and noticed by my mother, father and sister. (Mainly my sister. I felt comfortable and brave around her and had fun with her.) When I think back to my younger years, I remember always feeling so frustrated because it felt like I was always being watched. If not by my helicopter mom, by the nosy children at school/in our neighborhood. By the boring adults (wherever I would be carted around to) with nothing better to do but stare impolitely at me as I uncomfortably shifted to holding my mother's other hand (they'll never find me on my mother's left side). I hated that they just got to stare at me. I wanted so badly to tell them all to fuck off, mind their own business and get a life.
Not much has changed.
I went from being a child ("Oh, look! A child! Let's all gawk at her and get unreasonably close to her and not respect her space because - let's face it - she's a child") to being a woman ("Oh, look! A woman! Let's all drool over her and get unreasonably close to e her and not respect her at all because - let's face it - she's a woman"). And every stage in between was just more grotesque feelings in a rush. People telling me how I've grown, noticing how I've developed. Asking me if I have a boyfriend. Fuck off. Is there no such thing as privacy?
I am certain I have no idea what it's like to grow up as a boy/young man/man. I will, however, say that not seeing myself as a female was probably my deep inner wish to no longer be gawked at. It was the only way I saw a way out. A way out of being gawked at / prodded at / invaded, in one way or another. I understand that if someone looks at you, it might just be them considering your outfit/hair/makeup, and not always in a positive way. And then there's always the thing where someone absent-mindedly has rested their physical eyeballs upon you (I call this "the morning stares"). But I also realize that, for the most part, it can be chalked up to nosy / hungry strangers.
Who Hired this Crew?
We have all likely felt that - at one point or another - we have gotten nudged into doing more work than what we were getting paid for. Sometimes we say "oh, heck, what's one more thing? We're all a team, right?" and sometimes we say "nice try, but that's not my job." As individuals, we may lean one way more often than the other. It may have something to do with our upbringing, our shortcomings and insecurities, our ages, etc... For example, I was much more willing to help when I had only begun my work-life. I was a young pup, not yet brow-beaten into epiphany. I knew not of the majority's intentions; of the human condition; of just how astounding one's ability to take advantage of another's was. Laziness and entitlement. It'll get you every time.
It is one thing to deal with these instances when you are getting paid (because at least, in those moments, you are getting paid), it is another animal entirely to deal with such high expectations in your every day life. (For free!) For starters, the outside world is much less of a controlled area, and as such, you might feel as though there are no spaces that are safe from expectation. Nowhere you can relax. Nowhere to run to, baby; nowhere to hide. And if you have no place to relax, you may as well just hop into the nearest loony bin, as this would be no way to live. It's akin to feeling frustrated at school when you are a child as opposed to feeling frustrated/downtrodden at home. What an ugly, awfully stressful existence.
You MUST have a place/time that you can count on (without falter!) in which you can truly
R E L A X . . .
R E L A X . . .
Which, incidentally, is reason number six-hundred-and-forty-two on why I refuse to have children.
At any rate, I bring all of this up because lately (and by "lately" I mean "within the last five to seven years") ... (funny; when I was younger, "lately" meant "at a maximum of five minutes ago") I have been truly pondering on the prospect of being held responsible. More specifically about how people will hold me responsible to certain things they shouldn't. Don't count on me to remind you to pay your bills - you're my neighbor. You are not my responsibility. If anything, I should take on this responsibility only to intentionally "forget" it so that you are, eventually, someone else's neighbor. On such occasion, I find myself uttering the phrase "...when did it become my job??".
For example: when did it become my job to be the only polite person within a thousand-mile radius? I feel as though others (as a mass) have come to expect certain things of me. Amongst such expectations is that I perpetually remain in a "good mood"/have a "positive attitude". How unreasonable for a human. Or to always be helpful. Patient. Kind, even to strangers. And at a certain point (and I am certain I could write a decently sized blog about this alone), you much decide if you should continue to be polite/patient/kind to strangers, or be polite/patient/kind to yourself. To stand up strong on your own behalf. And no one can draw that line but you. Which is precisely why it makes close to no sense why "everyone else" are the ones with the aforementioned expectations. What do they know about you? And even so, who are they to draw lines on your behalf? Positively useless. Albeit ironic and humorous.
These high standards are fine to have for yourself, I feel, and even healthy to set personal goals with ("I am going to focus on being patient today"). And, yes, we must hold the people closest to us accountable or decide that they are no good to be around (i.e. toxic people). However, once you hold someone else more accountable/to higher standards than yourself? It becomes a bit dicey.
Do not expect anything from me that you would not expect from yourself, for starters. And after that, consider the fact that we may be different people with different strengths (and, as such, different weaknesses). Then, on the one day that I say "yeah, I can do that for ya", maybe just take that as face-value and understand that I probably only mean "yeah, I can do that for ya today/now/this one time". Or when I say "let me know if you need anything", I do not necessarily mean "Tell me absolutely every time there is a task you feel should be accomplished, but are too lazy to do so yourself, and I will jump at the opportunity. Without hesitation, question or argument". While you're at it, perhaps you should stop assuming that: simply because I am not bitching throughout the entire duration of a task, that does not necessarily mean that I am enjoying myself and/or that I cannot contain my excitement until I "get to do it again" for you.
Monday, June 24, 2019
Being Social
For someone who typically finds comfort in residing in their own mind, the prospect of being social is often a scary one. And it is only getting harder and harder.
Decades ago, the thought of being anti-social was hardly even a thought - downright unacceptable to the masses. There were certain obligations and standards to be held to by society. Back in the days of Suzie-homemaker wives, husbands wearing suits to the office and children having a different set of evening wear to play outside in, being anti-social simply wasn't "the thing". Men would wake up, eat the breakfast their wives created for them, in the suits their wives pressed for them and be social with their family they provided for. They would be polite to anyone they ran into on the way to the office, be politely social at the office, and then head home to change for the dinner party they were hosting at their homes. Wives would rise even earlier, make the breakfast and press the suits aforementioned, get the children up and running, be polite and social with their family, send everyone off, receive a phone call from a friend, make coffee and cake and be social with their friend (in between incredulous housework and dinner party preparation) and then send off their friend in enough time to accept their family back and change for the shindig. Children would be expected to be polite with their family, their friends as they awaited the bus/made their way to school, at school, and then be polite (or quiet, depending) at the do.
Of course this would not be every day, but this kind of activity would certainly take up the better part of their existence.
The existence that would surely give any one of us a heart attack.
Now, it is much more acceptable - run of the mill, even - to be anti-social. It has become the norm. Granted, I think the lifestyle of the "Leave it to Beaver" days was much too much to expect of a person (*has breakdown from cake not coming out properly*), however I think we have managed to eek into the opposing extreme. Now we are not social with our families. We barely talk to them, for the most part. We make our way to wherever we need to be (work/school) by ourselves, ignoring everyone as much as humanly possible, and once we get to, say, work, we pretty much keep to ourselves. In fact, the majority of conversation I have at one of my jobs is about how awful is it to try and be social. Anxiety-ridden kittens confess their woes to me about their latest attempt thereof. They would much rather just stay in and check their social media accounts (HA. The irony), go online and join the anonymous as they fight pretend wars and battle strange enemies.
Now I would be lying if I said that staying in did not have its appeal; there are so many days where I am exhausted from socializing at work and cannot wait to have a nice, relaxed day/night at home. Reading a book. Writing in the ol' blog. Even watching the youtubes. On the line. Even so, if the right person connects with me, I will drop what I am doing to go be around them. And talk. Watch some things. Just be around them. (This list is short, but it does exist.) But to not ever prefer conversation over DMs / likes / the reading of other peoples' business? This seems insane to me. I feel as though, in order to have this happen to me, I would have to simply not have met anyone who I like to be around. Maybe that's it; maybe no one has met the right friend/group of friends and connected with them. Maybe it's some kind of catch-22 scenario where they haven't met the friends because they've all locked themselves away on social media. Others have made it quite clear that I am unusual for my age/kind/generation, and I do try to subscribe to "to each their own", but I still will say that it all seems a little sad. Who knows, maybe not having friends you actually hang out with is the way to a better life. Maybe this generation actually has it right, after so many years of unreasonable expectations. But I think being social (in the right ways and settings) is something not to be missed.
Vacationing
I have had precisely one vacation in my life. It was on the 27th of my birthday month, on the 27th year of my life. I had a grand old time.
Clearly I missed out on those family vacations as a child, but honestly? Wouldn't change a damn thing. I didn't want to go to camp. I didn't want to go to school. I didn't want to leave the house as a child; it was all simply too overwhelming. Could you imagine what a vacation would have done to me? *shudders* I am grateful.
The next possibility, of course, would be to take the "adult/spouse vacation". This is the event you plan with your significant other - and only your significant other (no big family stuff, thank you) - and you take off to some sunny/interesting destination that you mutually decide upon. You ask for the time off at work, you fill those little plastic bottles full of you lotions and potions, maybe even spend a couple bucks on a new outfit for the occasion. You time your flight properly and before you know it: you arrive in that cool hotel room you booked months ago to drop your bags off before heading to the beach.
You can picture it now. You were picturing it before I even typed into the body of this entry, just by reading the title: "Vacationing". We all know what they are expected to be, what they have been, what they are, but I wonder if we really take them for the reason we think we take them. I suppose, as with most things, it would depend on the individual (taking the vacation). However, as a rule, you go on a vacation to experience a relaxed, alter-environment that is specifically away from the "9-5 grind" that you are used to. We essentially believe we take them to get away from work. To best separate ourselves from that specific stress.
BUT
I wonder if we actually take them to get away from our selves. The self that we are at home. The self that we have pigeon-holed ourselves into being at home. (Sure, you could change, but that would make other people really uncomfortable, so maybe you should just continue to be uncomfortable with yourself instead.) I certainly love getting away from home occasionally, but less due to who I have made myself out to be, and more of what others perceive me to be / expect me to be for/to them. Others see me the way they want. As they must. And regardless of how many seminars I hold on who I truly am, none of the aforementioned people listen to me.
"I'm an introvert"
"I'm not a people-person"
"I don't really watch television"
"I'm a writer, not a painter/artist. I just happen to paint. No I don't wanna talk about paint."
There are so many expectations other people put on me just because they see me as they must (for themselves). They find out something about me (something small or shallow, usually) and then fill in the rest. And then when I am not who they assumed/don't deliver on something I never promised, they get insulted and/or confused. I can't tell you how many times this happens. If I knew what to do about it, I would do it. People think they know my name when they don't, for Pete's sake. How did these people become so blindly confident? At any rate, You can imagine how exhausting this is. That is why this would be the reason I would take a vacation.
To take a break from what others expect from you? Now that's a real treat. That's probably why I migrate once every so often. And it always seems to be for about a year's time. Which is just about when I become less "stranger in a new town" and more "local celebrity". I don't know how this happens. I have tried so hard to stay anonymous before and it just never seems to work. I suppose this is slightly better than being hated everywhere you go. Harsh vibes are never any fun. But every once in a while, it sure is nice to take a break from all of it.
BUT
I wonder if we actually take them to get away from our selves. The self that we are at home. The self that we have pigeon-holed ourselves into being at home. (Sure, you could change, but that would make other people really uncomfortable, so maybe you should just continue to be uncomfortable with yourself instead.) I certainly love getting away from home occasionally, but less due to who I have made myself out to be, and more of what others perceive me to be / expect me to be for/to them. Others see me the way they want. As they must. And regardless of how many seminars I hold on who I truly am, none of the aforementioned people listen to me.
"I'm an introvert"
"I'm not a people-person"
"I don't really watch television"
"I'm a writer, not a painter/artist. I just happen to paint. No I don't wanna talk about paint."
There are so many expectations other people put on me just because they see me as they must (for themselves). They find out something about me (something small or shallow, usually) and then fill in the rest. And then when I am not who they assumed/don't deliver on something I never promised, they get insulted and/or confused. I can't tell you how many times this happens. If I knew what to do about it, I would do it. People think they know my name when they don't, for Pete's sake. How did these people become so blindly confident? At any rate, You can imagine how exhausting this is. That is why this would be the reason I would take a vacation.
To take a break from what others expect from you? Now that's a real treat. That's probably why I migrate once every so often. And it always seems to be for about a year's time. Which is just about when I become less "stranger in a new town" and more "local celebrity". I don't know how this happens. I have tried so hard to stay anonymous before and it just never seems to work. I suppose this is slightly better than being hated everywhere you go. Harsh vibes are never any fun. But every once in a while, it sure is nice to take a break from all of it.
Wednesday, June 12, 2019
Acquaintances
Perhaps it can be blamed on my age, or the fact that I have been labelled as an "old soul", but I find it terribly odd - and even uncomfortable - when I meet someone for the first time and they immediately search for me on social media and request my electronic friendship.
I think that this go-get-em attitude is completely healthy and beneficial when it comes to the professional aspect; networking at a business after hours, for example. Make those aggressive connections! Grow your name in the community and certainly strengthen your company reputation. But what happened to casual circumstance when it comes to acquaintances?
And that is the type of person I am referring to here; an acquaintance. Someone you have never heard of that you were introduced to one night while saying a quick "hello" to a friend at the bar. They look up your name. When they can't find you this way, they will search through mutual friend's selection of followers to find you there. Before you know it, you are inundated with private messages from a veritable stranger about things you really don't care to discuss. Which, of course, they will be things you don't care to discuss; this person does not know you! What's more, you don't know them, so even if it were a topic you typically find to be palatable, it is reliable on the company you keep (i.e., I will talk to my sister about her dog's state of being at great lengths, however have absolutely no interest in a stranger's pet or child, I assure you).
What happened to the casual run-in? That small event that once was so usual and has become more and more of an anomaly. Don't get me wrong; I really don't mind when I get to go to the grocery store and enjoy my shopping experience uninterrupted, but I think I would rather gamble on this. Although, I must admit, when we follow each other so constantly on social media, if ever we do run into each other in real, physical life, the distraction is to be much shorter than the run-in catch-up. It wasn't so long ago that I have forgotten: I would watch my mother just trying to get groceries done with us kids. Suddenly, as if alerted, the entire community would bum-rush my mother and assume position for a twenty-five minute catch-up conversation. My mother's face pained, smile straining as she would likely just be considering the fact that this bozo was going to be the reason she didn't get to sit down and read for a few before bed that night (my mother's life was always very precisely timed).
Some friend requests I have ignored, some I have denied but some I have begrudgingly accepted, simply because I do not wish to be rude to someone who means something to a dear friend. Or worse yet; when a co-worker befriends you online. I do not care to be put in this position one bit. Of course I am going to have to accept your request; we bloody work together! And if you are the type of person to put me in this position in the first place, you are likely the kind of person to bring it up at work the next day (or at least silently hold it against me for the remainder of our professional time together). I honestly couldn't tell you the last person I actually searched for online to request their friendship. This community is small. I am going to run into you again without trying. That goes doubly for the work environment; there are only so many of us who work here. It will not be long before your physical self and my physical self are simultaneously occupying the building again.
Acquaintances: please stop forcing your unwanted personality on me and being so aggressive about you and I being a thing. It is only slightly less uncomfortable to me than a person who is interested in dating me portraying the same behavior.
How They Make You Feel
My mother said that we get into relationships with people because of the way they make us feel. To me, that sounded selfish. Surely you should just really care about that person because they are such a great person and you should just take good care of them because they are, in general, so precious. Well, while that might work in less invested relationships, it's simply no good (for me, at least) when it comes to romantic love.
There are, for example, a few people on the street that I live on/work on/am social on that I would count as "precious". I genuinely care about them and want them to do well and know they deserve a kind of sweet life for how good of a person they are. To other people, to their children/family, just in general. I do not go home to live with these people, I do not go vacationing with these people, I will not marry these people. It is a much lighter relationship where you are "good" to them when you can be, but certainly they are not specifically counting on you to be as such.
Romantic relationships are much more personal. You could live with this person, you could go vacationing and you could get married. Depending on your beliefs, they may have already seen you naked (!). And depending on your beliefs, that might seem very personal, indeed. So with this person, who is much more of a constant in your life - not only on the minuscule/daily consideration, but also on a grander scale - is to be the person who specifically counts on you, and is to be specifically counted on by you. Since this is on a grander scale, this will have a greater impact on the way you feel, short-term and long-term. Ergo, this romantic relationship will of course hinder on the way that person makes you feel. You don't see a friend as often, and they have (likely) not seen you naked (metaphorically or otherwise), and as such have a significantly lower chance of making you feel like shit. Conversely, on the off-chance that they do make you feel bad, you can always just get your distance from them because: you are living separate lives. Maybe you don't run into them at all the places you go to run errands/get coffee/what-have-you. Maybe you don't even work with the aforementioned theoretical offender. MUCH easier to get physical and mental and emotional space from than a spouse. Plus you have that added benefit of not really having any enormous ties to them (other than emotionally, of course), such as a house, a pet, children... To be clear: I am not down-playing the wound that a great friend can help you achieve, I am simply saying that - for the most part - you can more easily shrug off the small stuff.
Which, naturally, branches off into a thought that I always used to have when I got upset at a spouse's actions: "Would I be this upset if a friend had done this to me?" Which already loads itself as a question, as it is to assume the other party set out to do something to me. Which is almost never the case. And if it often is, maybe get out of that relationship.
At any rate, I used to ask myself this question a lot, in an attempt to better-assess my anger/emotions/reaction. I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill. Then I realized: you cannot possibly compare these two very different relationships! It isn't even apples and oranges, it's potatoes and race cars. One is completely not beholden to you. If they want to fly off to another state, country, another planet, they do not owe you any kind of conversation. And that's just for starters. Your partner is who you are to build a life with, for Pete's sake. You chose to be with them in a very specific, separate way from all of the other people you know. They deserve a specific kind of consideration. And, of course, in having this original thought ("Would I be this upset...") I became a bit of a doormat in my romantic relationships and, looking back, put up with much more than I should have. Clearly this theory was no good. You live and you learn.
You should, I feel, try to keep toxic people away from you, no matter what relationship they have with you. Toxic is toxic, no excuses. Give 'em the boot. And of course there are general behaviors that you just shouldn't put up with from your friends OR spouse(s). But for the most part? I try to take situations case-by-case.
There are, for example, a few people on the street that I live on/work on/am social on that I would count as "precious". I genuinely care about them and want them to do well and know they deserve a kind of sweet life for how good of a person they are. To other people, to their children/family, just in general. I do not go home to live with these people, I do not go vacationing with these people, I will not marry these people. It is a much lighter relationship where you are "good" to them when you can be, but certainly they are not specifically counting on you to be as such.
Romantic relationships are much more personal. You could live with this person, you could go vacationing and you could get married. Depending on your beliefs, they may have already seen you naked (!). And depending on your beliefs, that might seem very personal, indeed. So with this person, who is much more of a constant in your life - not only on the minuscule/daily consideration, but also on a grander scale - is to be the person who specifically counts on you, and is to be specifically counted on by you. Since this is on a grander scale, this will have a greater impact on the way you feel, short-term and long-term. Ergo, this romantic relationship will of course hinder on the way that person makes you feel. You don't see a friend as often, and they have (likely) not seen you naked (metaphorically or otherwise), and as such have a significantly lower chance of making you feel like shit. Conversely, on the off-chance that they do make you feel bad, you can always just get your distance from them because: you are living separate lives. Maybe you don't run into them at all the places you go to run errands/get coffee/what-have-you. Maybe you don't even work with the aforementioned theoretical offender. MUCH easier to get physical and mental and emotional space from than a spouse. Plus you have that added benefit of not really having any enormous ties to them (other than emotionally, of course), such as a house, a pet, children... To be clear: I am not down-playing the wound that a great friend can help you achieve, I am simply saying that - for the most part - you can more easily shrug off the small stuff.
Which, naturally, branches off into a thought that I always used to have when I got upset at a spouse's actions: "Would I be this upset if a friend had done this to me?" Which already loads itself as a question, as it is to assume the other party set out to do something to me. Which is almost never the case. And if it often is, maybe get out of that relationship.
At any rate, I used to ask myself this question a lot, in an attempt to better-assess my anger/emotions/reaction. I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill. Then I realized: you cannot possibly compare these two very different relationships! It isn't even apples and oranges, it's potatoes and race cars. One is completely not beholden to you. If they want to fly off to another state, country, another planet, they do not owe you any kind of conversation. And that's just for starters. Your partner is who you are to build a life with, for Pete's sake. You chose to be with them in a very specific, separate way from all of the other people you know. They deserve a specific kind of consideration. And, of course, in having this original thought ("Would I be this upset...") I became a bit of a doormat in my romantic relationships and, looking back, put up with much more than I should have. Clearly this theory was no good. You live and you learn.
You should, I feel, try to keep toxic people away from you, no matter what relationship they have with you. Toxic is toxic, no excuses. Give 'em the boot. And of course there are general behaviors that you just shouldn't put up with from your friends OR spouse(s). But for the most part? I try to take situations case-by-case.
Tuesday, June 11, 2019
Not Drinking / Veganism
I have found that most of my friends who have adopted the vegan lifestyle have also decided not to drink. They can still be around others who drink, others who like to drink, and they can still speak on the subject without going too loony (as opposed to most who are against drinking/have quit for addiction purposes). I wonder if there is a correlation, or if it is simply coincidence.
It could be argued that a person who has actively researched an alternative to their current diet and/or lifestyle is a person who is interested in health. Perhaps more "health-driven" than others who put exactly zero amount of effort and thought into their daily life. Which leads me to my next thought about how vegans will typically end up living their lives with more intent than the next person (it all starts with eating intentionally, drinking intentionally, and before you know it, you're a low-waste minimalist with a home-made compost bin).
There is a social side to this as well: It just so happens that there are not typically as many vegan-friendly restaurants as there are omnivore-friendly ones and, as such, vegans must do their research and be limited to what restaurants they can set foot in. And if they are to be so diligent about where they can go for lunch, vegans will learn to not be so caviler about spending a night out on the town. Because when you drink, you get hungry, and after the recent scandal at Burger King (selling meat patties, masquerading as Beyond Burgers), we are not likely to take to fast food. Of course it is not only food, but drink as well; craft beer culture was a sensation that hit New England like a sack of bricks. So naturally I would love to go out and participate in this. But! I must be careful! As there are such things as Milk Stouts with actual milk ingredients in them. And Sours that store lactose, as well. (And don't get me started on fish bladder!)
I suppose there are many possible correlations here, but really I'm just happy for the people who are working on bettering themselves.
It could be argued that a person who has actively researched an alternative to their current diet and/or lifestyle is a person who is interested in health. Perhaps more "health-driven" than others who put exactly zero amount of effort and thought into their daily life. Which leads me to my next thought about how vegans will typically end up living their lives with more intent than the next person (it all starts with eating intentionally, drinking intentionally, and before you know it, you're a low-waste minimalist with a home-made compost bin).
There is a social side to this as well: It just so happens that there are not typically as many vegan-friendly restaurants as there are omnivore-friendly ones and, as such, vegans must do their research and be limited to what restaurants they can set foot in. And if they are to be so diligent about where they can go for lunch, vegans will learn to not be so caviler about spending a night out on the town. Because when you drink, you get hungry, and after the recent scandal at Burger King (selling meat patties, masquerading as Beyond Burgers), we are not likely to take to fast food. Of course it is not only food, but drink as well; craft beer culture was a sensation that hit New England like a sack of bricks. So naturally I would love to go out and participate in this. But! I must be careful! As there are such things as Milk Stouts with actual milk ingredients in them. And Sours that store lactose, as well. (And don't get me started on fish bladder!)
I suppose there are many possible correlations here, but really I'm just happy for the people who are working on bettering themselves.
Saturday, June 8, 2019
Gender / Identity
I never really remember wanting to be certainly female or male. I didn't even really want to be both. If anything, neither was just fine by me. I guess I never really gave consideration to what identity I should have. Is it because I was so comfortable being a female, and so that was that? Was it because it was not a topic up for discussion in my childhood? I guess I won't ever really know, because I cannot get my consciousness into another person's. Another person who, for example, was born with the physical body of a male and identifies as she/her. (If that was just the end of this blog entry: "Welp, that's that, I suppose. Guess I'll never know!")
Normally with a topic like this - I don't appear to be affected by it, don't think about it on a daily basis, etc... - I would keep my nose out of it. But there are enough people in my immediate life who discuss this topic as many times as was necessary to start my own gears clicking. I try to put myself in their position in order to (hopefully) better understand it/them. What's that thing... oh, yeah: Empathy.
I've never really felt like I was specifically a woman, although I am comfortable being in the body I was born in. That is, if I were uncomfortable with it / in it, I feel as though that would be one of those things you just know. And I don't think I am uncomfortable in this body, therefore I must not be. I could possibly just be comfortable with it because I am used to it. I have a tendency to adapt very well / thoroughly. Also, since I can remember, my mind has been otherwise occupied (OCD shit). (I only say "otherwise" because I have spoken with people who are not affected as I, specifically, am, and they have told me that what used to occupy my mind was unusual.) And, yes, I have really reeled it all in quite an astounding amount, which is why I can even sit still long enough to write this blog entry AND enjoy doing so - thank God. Even so, however, perhaps my mind (young or old) is simply not wired to consider things such as "who am I?". I have already decided that I have no purpose. I never really questioned the "meaning of life", as apparently everyone else has (??). Perhaps it simply doesn't matter to me one way or the other. Perhaps the reason why it doesn't matter to me one way or the other is because I have never battled with the thoughts / feelings that people who battle with identity have battled with. Goodness. It is so very hard to say.
I will say, however, that since I was young, I remember wanting to be an animal. Is this usual? I decided I wanted to be a horse. And when I was told by my mother that I could not grow up to be one (because that's "not how that works"), I was torn to bits about it. Even playing "house" - which, by the way, what an excruciatingly dull bloody game that was - I cannot express the amount of disinterest I had in being the wife, husband or baby. I wanted to be the family dog. I wanted to bark. To run around on all fours like the wild beast I was surely born to be (allergies and all). It could be argued that this sprang from a deep-seeded desire to never have to communicate with anyone outside of my immediate family ever again. Because let me tell you: that was ever-present. To be clear: this was not shyness. This was something more like a decision.
I have always related more to animals, I suppose. Even these days, I either enjoy seeing or can't help but see beast-like similarities in my movements, my reasoning, my habits, decisions. Maybe I just think it's way cooler to be an animal and wish that that was I thing I could do. Maybe it's as simple as that. I do really enjoy being human, though... I wonder what the pull was / is. I wonder where this started.
When I was pretending to be a horse (did I just type that?), it was genderless. Maybe not on purpose, maybe just because that didn't matter to me. It never mattered. I didn't care if you were male or female, if you weren't my mother, father or sister, I wanted precisely nothing to do with you. My sister would even ask me if I had any "crushes". She thought I was lying when I said "no". I eventually became convinced that I should be feeling a certain way toward someone, and when someone asked me out I just kind of shrugged and said "yeah, alright". What I should have said was: "I am mostly robot and am not interested in feelings and certainly no interest in sex, but let me say thank you anyway, because apparently what you just asked me is considered to mostly be a compliment here." But I didn't know that that's what I should have said. I thought everyone was just anxious around everyone (the way I was) and was usually uncomfortable (me), especially in school. Most of the male-type-humanoids who I "went out with"? I didn't even want to be around them in the first place. Why did I do this to myself? I wish I could have just known that it was okay to not be interested in dating.
When my sister and I would pick out our favorite characters / the ones that we related to the most (in movies / shows / books), I almost always chose a male character, while my sister chose a female. There could be a few reasons for this: one being that I subconsciously didn't want my sis stuck with a man-character (because I knew she loved being female and I didn't really care either way, so I might as well just take the one she didn't want). Similarly (but still separately), it could have something to do with the fact that I was the little sister and, as such, naturally assumed the "beta" position in socialization with the big sis. That holds water either way, actually, because even when I would pick the male, I would typically pick the lowly male side-character. Of course, that could have been due to the fact that the "lowly male side-character" was usually the only funny one in the damn thing. And funny... oh, to be funny. What's that over there? The promise of sexual compatibility? Oh, no thank you, I would much rather just be able to make people laugh.
The same thing happens when I write, a lot of the time. If there is a main character narrative, it is typically in a male's voice. How would I know what male people think? I have never been one. I have never desired to be one. I think it may just be that I was brought up in a spot where the males of the entertainment world were funny, while the females were beautiful. The rest of it was likely that I just didn't even think to think about it because I was so overwhelmed about simpler things / thought in patterns / spoke in binary. And now? Just doesn't seem to matter to me.
Normally with a topic like this - I don't appear to be affected by it, don't think about it on a daily basis, etc... - I would keep my nose out of it. But there are enough people in my immediate life who discuss this topic as many times as was necessary to start my own gears clicking. I try to put myself in their position in order to (hopefully) better understand it/them. What's that thing... oh, yeah: Empathy.
I've never really felt like I was specifically a woman, although I am comfortable being in the body I was born in. That is, if I were uncomfortable with it / in it, I feel as though that would be one of those things you just know. And I don't think I am uncomfortable in this body, therefore I must not be. I could possibly just be comfortable with it because I am used to it. I have a tendency to adapt very well / thoroughly. Also, since I can remember, my mind has been otherwise occupied (OCD shit). (I only say "otherwise" because I have spoken with people who are not affected as I, specifically, am, and they have told me that what used to occupy my mind was unusual.) And, yes, I have really reeled it all in quite an astounding amount, which is why I can even sit still long enough to write this blog entry AND enjoy doing so - thank God. Even so, however, perhaps my mind (young or old) is simply not wired to consider things such as "who am I?". I have already decided that I have no purpose. I never really questioned the "meaning of life", as apparently everyone else has (??). Perhaps it simply doesn't matter to me one way or the other. Perhaps the reason why it doesn't matter to me one way or the other is because I have never battled with the thoughts / feelings that people who battle with identity have battled with. Goodness. It is so very hard to say.
I will say, however, that since I was young, I remember wanting to be an animal. Is this usual? I decided I wanted to be a horse. And when I was told by my mother that I could not grow up to be one (because that's "not how that works"), I was torn to bits about it. Even playing "house" - which, by the way, what an excruciatingly dull bloody game that was - I cannot express the amount of disinterest I had in being the wife, husband or baby. I wanted to be the family dog. I wanted to bark. To run around on all fours like the wild beast I was surely born to be (allergies and all). It could be argued that this sprang from a deep-seeded desire to never have to communicate with anyone outside of my immediate family ever again. Because let me tell you: that was ever-present. To be clear: this was not shyness. This was something more like a decision.
I have always related more to animals, I suppose. Even these days, I either enjoy seeing or can't help but see beast-like similarities in my movements, my reasoning, my habits, decisions. Maybe I just think it's way cooler to be an animal and wish that that was I thing I could do. Maybe it's as simple as that. I do really enjoy being human, though... I wonder what the pull was / is. I wonder where this started.
When I was pretending to be a horse (did I just type that?), it was genderless. Maybe not on purpose, maybe just because that didn't matter to me. It never mattered. I didn't care if you were male or female, if you weren't my mother, father or sister, I wanted precisely nothing to do with you. My sister would even ask me if I had any "crushes". She thought I was lying when I said "no". I eventually became convinced that I should be feeling a certain way toward someone, and when someone asked me out I just kind of shrugged and said "yeah, alright". What I should have said was: "I am mostly robot and am not interested in feelings and certainly no interest in sex, but let me say thank you anyway, because apparently what you just asked me is considered to mostly be a compliment here." But I didn't know that that's what I should have said. I thought everyone was just anxious around everyone (the way I was) and was usually uncomfortable (me), especially in school. Most of the male-type-humanoids who I "went out with"? I didn't even want to be around them in the first place. Why did I do this to myself? I wish I could have just known that it was okay to not be interested in dating.
When my sister and I would pick out our favorite characters / the ones that we related to the most (in movies / shows / books), I almost always chose a male character, while my sister chose a female. There could be a few reasons for this: one being that I subconsciously didn't want my sis stuck with a man-character (because I knew she loved being female and I didn't really care either way, so I might as well just take the one she didn't want). Similarly (but still separately), it could have something to do with the fact that I was the little sister and, as such, naturally assumed the "beta" position in socialization with the big sis. That holds water either way, actually, because even when I would pick the male, I would typically pick the lowly male side-character. Of course, that could have been due to the fact that the "lowly male side-character" was usually the only funny one in the damn thing. And funny... oh, to be funny. What's that over there? The promise of sexual compatibility? Oh, no thank you, I would much rather just be able to make people laugh.
The same thing happens when I write, a lot of the time. If there is a main character narrative, it is typically in a male's voice. How would I know what male people think? I have never been one. I have never desired to be one. I think it may just be that I was brought up in a spot where the males of the entertainment world were funny, while the females were beautiful. The rest of it was likely that I just didn't even think to think about it because I was so overwhelmed about simpler things / thought in patterns / spoke in binary. And now? Just doesn't seem to matter to me.
YouTube: Good Company
When my sister and I were younger, she used to invite me into her room while she cleaned it.
"I don't want to help you clean" I would say. She wasn't going to Huck Finn me.
She would then say that she didn't want me to help her clean, she just wanted me to come in and "hang out with her" while she cleaned. She was not lying. This was genuinely all she wanted. I never understood it back then, being the sardonic little loner that I was at the time. When I had alone time in my room, I felt relaxed. I could write in my diary/journal, listen (and sing) to my music that nobody else wanted to listen to, maybe even get in a nap if I was lucky. Not much has changed. My sister, however, was a much more socially developed creature and had interesting things to say, so she wanted to discuss them with me as she cleaned. This would make cleaning more enjoyable for her. And she would be multitasking. Very smart move.
Now that I am older, I have realized that I do the same thing as she used to, only the people I invite into my "room while I clean it" are the personalities of youtube.
In a world where it is getting increasingly difficult to have face time, quality conversations nearly a thing of the past, sometimes you just want to hear a familiar voice. Or even just a pleasant human voice. Like when you leave the radio on for your pets before you leave for the grocery store. It's not as good as the real thing, but it's comforting. A quick trick to get the job done. And let's be honest, here; people can say "call me any time" as much as they want. The reality of the situation is that nobody is available all the time.
We all have our crazy schedules, we miss out on our friends because of the work we choose to do (that we fool ourselves into thinking we "need" to be doing) and we go weeks/months/what-have-you without seeing them. And sometimes when we finally get an opening/opportunity to go see one of them, we are so exhausted and we "won't be able to stay long" so it "hardly seems worth it". Perhaps it would be best if we just "reschedule". When you have a long day of not interacting with anyone - or worse; you have interacted with just about everyone you didn't want to interact with - and you are too tired for travel, have no fear; youtube is here. You can just open up your laptop or smartphone and pop on whichever "friend" you feel like seeing. Listen to them for as long as you want and when you're done eating your dinner/ready for bed, just turn them off! You don't have to wait for an opening, you needn't fret about being impolite and if you had a glass or two of vino with dinner, you don't have to worry about dozing off during your commute home.
You no longer have "that friend who knows a lot about cars" or "the one who is great with makeup". You have youtube tutorials. How about that "friend who is so much fun to have dinner/drinks with"? Mukbangs, of course.
I suppose there are better ways to deal with what is essentially a product of a kind of loneliness. And certainly we wouldn't need this crutch if we hadn't allowed ourselves to get so incredibly sucked into the vacuum of youtube / social media in the first place (irony). But we have, and at least we do have this tool to utilize.
"I don't want to help you clean" I would say. She wasn't going to Huck Finn me.
She would then say that she didn't want me to help her clean, she just wanted me to come in and "hang out with her" while she cleaned. She was not lying. This was genuinely all she wanted. I never understood it back then, being the sardonic little loner that I was at the time. When I had alone time in my room, I felt relaxed. I could write in my diary/journal, listen (and sing) to my music that nobody else wanted to listen to, maybe even get in a nap if I was lucky. Not much has changed. My sister, however, was a much more socially developed creature and had interesting things to say, so she wanted to discuss them with me as she cleaned. This would make cleaning more enjoyable for her. And she would be multitasking. Very smart move.
Now that I am older, I have realized that I do the same thing as she used to, only the people I invite into my "room while I clean it" are the personalities of youtube.
In a world where it is getting increasingly difficult to have face time, quality conversations nearly a thing of the past, sometimes you just want to hear a familiar voice. Or even just a pleasant human voice. Like when you leave the radio on for your pets before you leave for the grocery store. It's not as good as the real thing, but it's comforting. A quick trick to get the job done. And let's be honest, here; people can say "call me any time" as much as they want. The reality of the situation is that nobody is available all the time.
We all have our crazy schedules, we miss out on our friends because of the work we choose to do (that we fool ourselves into thinking we "need" to be doing) and we go weeks/months/what-have-you without seeing them. And sometimes when we finally get an opening/opportunity to go see one of them, we are so exhausted and we "won't be able to stay long" so it "hardly seems worth it". Perhaps it would be best if we just "reschedule". When you have a long day of not interacting with anyone - or worse; you have interacted with just about everyone you didn't want to interact with - and you are too tired for travel, have no fear; youtube is here. You can just open up your laptop or smartphone and pop on whichever "friend" you feel like seeing. Listen to them for as long as you want and when you're done eating your dinner/ready for bed, just turn them off! You don't have to wait for an opening, you needn't fret about being impolite and if you had a glass or two of vino with dinner, you don't have to worry about dozing off during your commute home.
You no longer have "that friend who knows a lot about cars" or "the one who is great with makeup". You have youtube tutorials. How about that "friend who is so much fun to have dinner/drinks with"? Mukbangs, of course.
I suppose there are better ways to deal with what is essentially a product of a kind of loneliness. And certainly we wouldn't need this crutch if we hadn't allowed ourselves to get so incredibly sucked into the vacuum of youtube / social media in the first place (irony). But we have, and at least we do have this tool to utilize.
Thursday, June 6, 2019
Food Pantry
I was pulling into the local discount bread store when I saw a gorgeous GTO parked in the lot. I caught myself thinking 'What is a car like that doing in a lot like this? Surely they do well enough to afford regular people bread'.
There are a few things off with this knee-jerk reaction, one of them being that this was my knee-jerk reaction.
First of all, it's not like there's a discount bread store law that says that you have to be low-income in order to participate in their discounted grainy goodness. Also, maybe this person always cheaps out on bread and that is how they can afford this beaut. It's not like I'm driving Pa's old, busted up station wagon over here, and part of the reason why I have the car that I have is because I cheap out on bread. And other things. (Things that make sense to "cheap out" on, anyway, not everything. I believe sometimes it is more of a sound decision to consider the long-term investment. Take cars, for example.) You have a sizable financial goal? Then you do what you must to achieve it. You tighten your belt, cut corners and so on. Also - and I cannot stress this enough - it is absolutely none of my business where someone else shops; this person is not harming anyone by choosing to buy a decent vehicle and arguably indecent bread.
I realized that this attitude was ingrained (grain, ha) into my thought process from a young age. Parents, teachers, just adults, really, making commentary that I subconsciously picked up on here and there. For example: when my mother and I would suit up to go to the food pantry and she would say something like "Don't wear anything too nice". Obviously it is already a little odd that she was treating this like a sting operation, but mostly it was that underlying guilt that she had from possibly not deserving this assistance. From thinking things like "well maybe if I just worked harder" or "maybe if I didn't spend money on [insert example]". Whatever it sprung from, it sprung forth unto me. It didn't take long for my subconscious to kick in and decide that I ought constantly prove that I am not pulling wool over the food pantry's eyes. Which, of course, is entirely relatable to the aforementioned discount bread store debacle.
Do I even care about that person? Of course not. God knows I am typically the only one in a crowd not asking about the other person's trip to Vancouver. "Oh, yeah! How'd that go??" I couldn't possibly contain my excitement. PLEASE hurry up and tell me EVERYTHING.
So if it's none of my business and I don't care, then I think it's probably time to work on this habit and drop it like it's hot.
Why must we feel so guilty about getting a leg-up? Why must we wait until the problem is so enormous that the only possible solution is to "go to the food pantry"? "Well, I could have just made a quick trip this way earlier on in the year. That would have afforded me the cash amount that I needed to pay that electric bill. Then I would not have had to go back to the pantry again. But instead I bought everything at a grocery store, went a dollar and ten cents overdrawn, was hit with overdraft fees, got denied for a small loan, got depressed, sold my plasma for alcohol and am now homeless and currently residing in the dumpster just outside the Good Shepherd. Now I have to go to the food pantry to survive!"
I mean, sure, there are those people who take advantage of the system (most of which are in my family; my apologies to the good state of Maine on their behalf), but for the most part, the people who rely on consistent "help" are the people who simply should not have waited so long to ask for it in the first place. I really love the ideas of food pantries and subsidized housing, etc... but I just think we could take better advantage of them without abusing them.
...And all from going to the damned bread store.
There are a few things off with this knee-jerk reaction, one of them being that this was my knee-jerk reaction.
First of all, it's not like there's a discount bread store law that says that you have to be low-income in order to participate in their discounted grainy goodness. Also, maybe this person always cheaps out on bread and that is how they can afford this beaut. It's not like I'm driving Pa's old, busted up station wagon over here, and part of the reason why I have the car that I have is because I cheap out on bread. And other things. (Things that make sense to "cheap out" on, anyway, not everything. I believe sometimes it is more of a sound decision to consider the long-term investment. Take cars, for example.) You have a sizable financial goal? Then you do what you must to achieve it. You tighten your belt, cut corners and so on. Also - and I cannot stress this enough - it is absolutely none of my business where someone else shops; this person is not harming anyone by choosing to buy a decent vehicle and arguably indecent bread.
I realized that this attitude was ingrained (grain, ha) into my thought process from a young age. Parents, teachers, just adults, really, making commentary that I subconsciously picked up on here and there. For example: when my mother and I would suit up to go to the food pantry and she would say something like "Don't wear anything too nice". Obviously it is already a little odd that she was treating this like a sting operation, but mostly it was that underlying guilt that she had from possibly not deserving this assistance. From thinking things like "well maybe if I just worked harder" or "maybe if I didn't spend money on [insert example]". Whatever it sprung from, it sprung forth unto me. It didn't take long for my subconscious to kick in and decide that I ought constantly prove that I am not pulling wool over the food pantry's eyes. Which, of course, is entirely relatable to the aforementioned discount bread store debacle.
Do I even care about that person? Of course not. God knows I am typically the only one in a crowd not asking about the other person's trip to Vancouver. "Oh, yeah! How'd that go??" I couldn't possibly contain my excitement. PLEASE hurry up and tell me EVERYTHING.
So if it's none of my business and I don't care, then I think it's probably time to work on this habit and drop it like it's hot.
Why must we feel so guilty about getting a leg-up? Why must we wait until the problem is so enormous that the only possible solution is to "go to the food pantry"? "Well, I could have just made a quick trip this way earlier on in the year. That would have afforded me the cash amount that I needed to pay that electric bill. Then I would not have had to go back to the pantry again. But instead I bought everything at a grocery store, went a dollar and ten cents overdrawn, was hit with overdraft fees, got denied for a small loan, got depressed, sold my plasma for alcohol and am now homeless and currently residing in the dumpster just outside the Good Shepherd. Now I have to go to the food pantry to survive!"
I mean, sure, there are those people who take advantage of the system (most of which are in my family; my apologies to the good state of Maine on their behalf), but for the most part, the people who rely on consistent "help" are the people who simply should not have waited so long to ask for it in the first place. I really love the ideas of food pantries and subsidized housing, etc... but I just think we could take better advantage of them without abusing them.
...And all from going to the damned bread store.
Wednesday, May 22, 2019
Here's the Thing
Segregation via personal opinions never did anybody any good. Typically, I find, agreeing to disagree gets the job done.
Here's the Thing:
When it comes to politics, you cannot merely agree to disagree because the ultimate result will certainly impact your personal future (which will then certainly impact the futures of those closest to you in one way or another). So I feel like this is where you kind of have to care. That is, unless you sincerely do not give "any shits" about your life/future/those around you. Which is, ironically, the outlook it feels like a lot of people who vote subscribe to.
(ba-dum-tshh)
I feel as though I am not well versed enough in current events / politics to really weigh in on anything. Then again I certainly do not know much at all on the topics of taxes, weather or time travel, all of which I have covered in previous blogs. So, like I was saying...
MY OPINIONS on health care and education tend to fall under more of a conservative view: I think that they should be a provided option; I don't think that they should be free. And not that they just shouldn't be free in a miserable, mothball-ridden-geezer, "tain't nuthin fer free" kind of way. More of a "let's be realistic" kind of way. I mean, there really tain't anything for free, but not specifically to interrupt peoples' joy and happiness, not just so they "don't get it too good". Some things are the way they are simply because they are. I am completely open to alternative thinking, although I will admit, I will always apply logic and reality to it. Would it be nice to not have to worry about money? Of course. Would it work to just throw the idea of paying for the things that we - as a society - deem important (even necessary)? I truly do not believe so. So might I suggest: if you do not want to worry about money, save more, spend less.
It would also be nice to let everyone have whatever groceries they want for free (so we know that everyone is nourished). But the reality of that is that it would turn sour. (And fast!) For starters, giving some people what they want only makes them want more; the novelty would run out quickly. Also, what is "nourished"? What is healthy food? Also, are we only giving people certain foods for free? Well that's not fair to people who have an allergy/sensitivity. We'll just save those safe foods for the people with said allergy/sensitivity? Well that's not fair for the people who really like that safe food, but just get whatever because their stomachs just happen to be able to handle a larger majority of foods.
Then we've got the sly bartering to take into consideration; much like what I have heard / am to understand happens with food stamps. In other words: without food being money-dependent, people are likely to turn to food to replace money. Kind of like a regression into the colonial times. "I will give you this [animal] in exchange for this [service]." So call it what you want: currency doesn't have to be in the form of money, we will (as a society) evolve it into whatever we deem necessary at the time. There will always be something to blame, something to hold over another's head, something to express status. If need be, we will resort to being envious of whoever is wearing the biggest hat with the most twigs.
I think that does have a lot to do with it: I think that people concern themselves with certain topics when they concern themselves with how much money another is making, in comparison to what they are making for themselves. Perhaps not so much this specific topic, but more like the thing where people want millionaires / billionaires / whoever the f&#$ to be "super-taxed" simply BECAUSE the aforementioned aire's have MADE MORE MONEY for themselves. That is the craziest thing to me. It's none of my business what someone else is making. Also, that person made that money because they have a skill / set of skills that I do not have OR they were given an opportunity that I was not given. I can think of plenty that I have been given that others have not (and so on). Does that mean that I should be punished? Some things are not my fault, some things cannot be helped, some things should not be made a reason to punish someone. Not to mention I can think of plenty of opportunity that I have not been presented with; opportunity I have watched fall at others' feet. To be clear: this is not others' fault. I think we should all be taxed the same percentage (of what we make/however I word this). Sometimes it feels like everyone is so greedy and everyone wants so much and everyone wants more. And more money.
And how about those people who weren't given the opportunity to go to college when they were younger - and could have used it? It's not fair to forgive school loans now that they are much too old to appreciate it / take advantage of it. There will always be something unfair. Always someone who suffers. I don't love it. But I bring this up because many of the opposing thoughts and arguments (whenever I try to have a conversation like this with certain individuals who appear to be further on the side of Liberalism) try to emphasize their point by fighting for what's "fair". Which is, first of all, subjective when you get down to it, and it could always be argued that a point / philosophy is not fair to someone.
For example: this subject of free healthcare. It seems as though those who have been ever-vigilant about keeping in "ship-shape", trying their best and working their hardest every single day, with every single decision, would be made to be a punchline of sorts. Oh, that's very nice how you've been living well, exercising and staying within the realm of a balanced diet all these years, Ralph, but healthcare is free now, so... turns out you could have had whatever you wanted to eat. Joke's on you! Not only that, but once it is free, what motivation would one have for taking care of one's self, then? It appears we are in need of better motivation as is. And what of the doctors now? The ones who have what I would consider one of the worst jobs ever? Having to deal with so many people with much higher, more intense needs than I have ever had to be responsible for in my professional life. Having to be in such close quarters with those who they are well aware are sick, sometimes deathly ill. Being blamed for everything when it goes wrong. Hardly being thanked in the alternate. Shitty hours, no personal life, taking your work home with you (in a gravity most of us will never know)... Would you want that job? I don't want it as is, and if we were to accomplish this movement of making healthcare free to everyone, these doctors would have to inevitably be paid significantly less! Jesus! And if not, where will all of this (UNIMAGINABLY LARGE AMOUNT OF) money come from? I don't know what to tell you, folks, sometimes things cost money.
And what about these people who vote for themselves? That is, for literally only their own, personal gain? "I don't wanna pay this medical bill... maybe a politician will. Who cares if it's not what's best for LITERALLY anyone." "Well I want my school loan to be forgiven, so instead of paying it off and making it a priority, I guess I'll just wait for this bill to pass or some such so I can just forget it ever happened." Remember when only men could vote and women were all "Gee it'd be nice to vote. That way my voice can be heard." Well now it can. And now that it can, now that everyone can vote, wouldn't it be nice if we just tried to think of what was best for all of us? The all? The whole? The Nation?
In my opinion, education and healthcare are no more a basic human right than a cab ride.
Here's the Thing:
When it comes to politics, you cannot merely agree to disagree because the ultimate result will certainly impact your personal future (which will then certainly impact the futures of those closest to you in one way or another). So I feel like this is where you kind of have to care. That is, unless you sincerely do not give "any shits" about your life/future/those around you. Which is, ironically, the outlook it feels like a lot of people who vote subscribe to.
(ba-dum-tshh)
I feel as though I am not well versed enough in current events / politics to really weigh in on anything. Then again I certainly do not know much at all on the topics of taxes, weather or time travel, all of which I have covered in previous blogs. So, like I was saying...
MY OPINIONS on health care and education tend to fall under more of a conservative view: I think that they should be a provided option; I don't think that they should be free. And not that they just shouldn't be free in a miserable, mothball-ridden-geezer, "tain't nuthin fer free" kind of way. More of a "let's be realistic" kind of way. I mean, there really tain't anything for free, but not specifically to interrupt peoples' joy and happiness, not just so they "don't get it too good". Some things are the way they are simply because they are. I am completely open to alternative thinking, although I will admit, I will always apply logic and reality to it. Would it be nice to not have to worry about money? Of course. Would it work to just throw the idea of paying for the things that we - as a society - deem important (even necessary)? I truly do not believe so. So might I suggest: if you do not want to worry about money, save more, spend less.
It would also be nice to let everyone have whatever groceries they want for free (so we know that everyone is nourished). But the reality of that is that it would turn sour. (And fast!) For starters, giving some people what they want only makes them want more; the novelty would run out quickly. Also, what is "nourished"? What is healthy food? Also, are we only giving people certain foods for free? Well that's not fair to people who have an allergy/sensitivity. We'll just save those safe foods for the people with said allergy/sensitivity? Well that's not fair for the people who really like that safe food, but just get whatever because their stomachs just happen to be able to handle a larger majority of foods.
Then we've got the sly bartering to take into consideration; much like what I have heard / am to understand happens with food stamps. In other words: without food being money-dependent, people are likely to turn to food to replace money. Kind of like a regression into the colonial times. "I will give you this [animal] in exchange for this [service]." So call it what you want: currency doesn't have to be in the form of money, we will (as a society) evolve it into whatever we deem necessary at the time. There will always be something to blame, something to hold over another's head, something to express status. If need be, we will resort to being envious of whoever is wearing the biggest hat with the most twigs.
I think that does have a lot to do with it: I think that people concern themselves with certain topics when they concern themselves with how much money another is making, in comparison to what they are making for themselves. Perhaps not so much this specific topic, but more like the thing where people want millionaires / billionaires / whoever the f&#$ to be "super-taxed" simply BECAUSE the aforementioned aire's have MADE MORE MONEY for themselves. That is the craziest thing to me. It's none of my business what someone else is making. Also, that person made that money because they have a skill / set of skills that I do not have OR they were given an opportunity that I was not given. I can think of plenty that I have been given that others have not (and so on). Does that mean that I should be punished? Some things are not my fault, some things cannot be helped, some things should not be made a reason to punish someone. Not to mention I can think of plenty of opportunity that I have not been presented with; opportunity I have watched fall at others' feet. To be clear: this is not others' fault. I think we should all be taxed the same percentage (of what we make/however I word this). Sometimes it feels like everyone is so greedy and everyone wants so much and everyone wants more. And more money.
And how about those people who weren't given the opportunity to go to college when they were younger - and could have used it? It's not fair to forgive school loans now that they are much too old to appreciate it / take advantage of it. There will always be something unfair. Always someone who suffers. I don't love it. But I bring this up because many of the opposing thoughts and arguments (whenever I try to have a conversation like this with certain individuals who appear to be further on the side of Liberalism) try to emphasize their point by fighting for what's "fair". Which is, first of all, subjective when you get down to it, and it could always be argued that a point / philosophy is not fair to someone.
For example: this subject of free healthcare. It seems as though those who have been ever-vigilant about keeping in "ship-shape", trying their best and working their hardest every single day, with every single decision, would be made to be a punchline of sorts. Oh, that's very nice how you've been living well, exercising and staying within the realm of a balanced diet all these years, Ralph, but healthcare is free now, so... turns out you could have had whatever you wanted to eat. Joke's on you! Not only that, but once it is free, what motivation would one have for taking care of one's self, then? It appears we are in need of better motivation as is. And what of the doctors now? The ones who have what I would consider one of the worst jobs ever? Having to deal with so many people with much higher, more intense needs than I have ever had to be responsible for in my professional life. Having to be in such close quarters with those who they are well aware are sick, sometimes deathly ill. Being blamed for everything when it goes wrong. Hardly being thanked in the alternate. Shitty hours, no personal life, taking your work home with you (in a gravity most of us will never know)... Would you want that job? I don't want it as is, and if we were to accomplish this movement of making healthcare free to everyone, these doctors would have to inevitably be paid significantly less! Jesus! And if not, where will all of this (UNIMAGINABLY LARGE AMOUNT OF) money come from? I don't know what to tell you, folks, sometimes things cost money.
And what about these people who vote for themselves? That is, for literally only their own, personal gain? "I don't wanna pay this medical bill... maybe a politician will. Who cares if it's not what's best for LITERALLY anyone." "Well I want my school loan to be forgiven, so instead of paying it off and making it a priority, I guess I'll just wait for this bill to pass or some such so I can just forget it ever happened." Remember when only men could vote and women were all "Gee it'd be nice to vote. That way my voice can be heard." Well now it can. And now that it can, now that everyone can vote, wouldn't it be nice if we just tried to think of what was best for all of us? The all? The whole? The Nation?
In my opinion, education and healthcare are no more a basic human right than a cab ride.
Thursday, May 16, 2019
Minimalism vs. Preparation
After a brief, accidental hiatus, I'm back at the keys! (And it feels so nice.)
Sometimes writing is like showering: I never feel as though I have the time to do it. And then I finally commit, pop in and as soon as the hot water hits, I never wanna get back out.
For the longest time I have wanted to get rid of "stuff". I would have talks with myself.
"Okay," ten-year-old me would say, "today's the day. We are gonna clean our room. Like really clean. Like... invent-a-new-term-for-it clean. We are just going to march right in there, put on some Dave Matthews Band and gut the whole damn room." (I had a bit of a potty mouth, but I allowed for it since it was only ever in my head and also typically just when striving for self-motivation.)
I would march in there. I would put on Dave Matthews Band. And then... I would spend the next four to six hours going through everything that I own, typically spending a shocking majority of time in a drawer somewhere. I would get so hesitant on getting rid of things - things that I certainly did not need - because I felt as though I might need it at some point in my future. (And I was ten, so naturally, no job yet to replace said items.) Couldn't get rid of Summer clothes in the Winter because how can you really tell what you're likely to wear in the heat when it's below freezing outside - it's basic psychology. Couldn't get rid of video games I never really played - they were unfamiliar and would be nearly as good as playing a brand new game, once I got around to it. And not the ones that I played all the time, either - I played them all the time. All of these lotions and perfumes have a little bit left in them. Sure I'm ten and have no use for either of them, and these lotions have expired... but do lotions ever really expire? It's not like I'm going to eat it. Might need this wrapping paper for a last-minute gift. I should buy emergency bows.
Emergency bows, people. These are actual thoughts I had. I was always very talented at creating scenarios in which I would need this or that. And so, my minimalist ways were postponed for another year.
Finally, as I got older and the minimalist movement became more active on social media, I revisited my deep need to purge. I found that the one instance where I might have been able to use that bit of an old shoelace was a bit inconvenient, sure. But all of those days where I didn't need it outweighed it severely. I have been tucking away at my belongings now for over two years and still have not regretted my decision to "cleanse" enough to renege.
Sometimes writing is like showering: I never feel as though I have the time to do it. And then I finally commit, pop in and as soon as the hot water hits, I never wanna get back out.
For the longest time I have wanted to get rid of "stuff". I would have talks with myself.
"Okay," ten-year-old me would say, "today's the day. We are gonna clean our room. Like really clean. Like... invent-a-new-term-for-it clean. We are just going to march right in there, put on some Dave Matthews Band and gut the whole damn room." (I had a bit of a potty mouth, but I allowed for it since it was only ever in my head and also typically just when striving for self-motivation.)
I would march in there. I would put on Dave Matthews Band. And then... I would spend the next four to six hours going through everything that I own, typically spending a shocking majority of time in a drawer somewhere. I would get so hesitant on getting rid of things - things that I certainly did not need - because I felt as though I might need it at some point in my future. (And I was ten, so naturally, no job yet to replace said items.) Couldn't get rid of Summer clothes in the Winter because how can you really tell what you're likely to wear in the heat when it's below freezing outside - it's basic psychology. Couldn't get rid of video games I never really played - they were unfamiliar and would be nearly as good as playing a brand new game, once I got around to it. And not the ones that I played all the time, either - I played them all the time. All of these lotions and perfumes have a little bit left in them. Sure I'm ten and have no use for either of them, and these lotions have expired... but do lotions ever really expire? It's not like I'm going to eat it. Might need this wrapping paper for a last-minute gift. I should buy emergency bows.
Emergency bows, people. These are actual thoughts I had. I was always very talented at creating scenarios in which I would need this or that. And so, my minimalist ways were postponed for another year.
Finally, as I got older and the minimalist movement became more active on social media, I revisited my deep need to purge. I found that the one instance where I might have been able to use that bit of an old shoelace was a bit inconvenient, sure. But all of those days where I didn't need it outweighed it severely. I have been tucking away at my belongings now for over two years and still have not regretted my decision to "cleanse" enough to renege.
Thursday, May 9, 2019
Welcome to 30
When did hydration become such a focus?
What's this accelerated interest in skincare?
Why is the music too loud and yet I cannot hear anything?
Must be 30.
I have hit the next milestone, folks. It's the one I've been waiting for ever since I got into management at my job at "Jamie's" when I was twenty years old. The age where some geezer disrespectfully prompts you to share it, expecting you to say "nineteen" or "twenty-something", and you leave them in gasping disbelief when you say... "thirty". It's the age where people hesitate a bit before continuing to disrespect you. Finally; what I'm saying has some weight to it! For a few years, anyway, until I become irrelevant and nobody gets a chance to disrespect me because nobody's ever listening. Nothing lasts forever.
Some will say "your twenties are a blur" and "enjoy it while you can" when you're in your teens. I recall this one: "you'll be thirty before you know it!"
No, I wasn't!
That took forever! I'm exhausted. And relieved - now that I am thirty, I feel like I am finally home. THIS is my age, at long last. And I can mark nearly every year of my twenties by my incredibly signature birthday (among other things) that came along with it (I have been very fortunate). As for my teens? Well, they were shit, for the most part. Aside from all of the dark and fascinating family bother and emotional turmoil, The homework was terrible and by the time the quiz came around, I drew an absolute blank. And being even younger than that wasn't any better. I had no idea what was going on, which class to go to when - how school even worked - I just wanted to stay home where there weren't so many moving parts.
I don't miss it one bit.
What is it that people usually complain about when they romanticize being young? Ah, yes, the whole at-least-you-didn't-have-to-pay-bills argument. Well I have been young and I have made it to thirty and I will tell you something: I will gladly pay bills until the day I die if it means that I will live a life of my own choosing. Working where I would like to, for as many hours as / when I choose. Waking up and sleeping when I decide to, eating the foods I like to eat, fixing my own problems along the way. Here's a fun fact: being able to count on yourself is just the coolest thing in the world.
Forget being young! The best days are those that you can - and do - take control of. Make your own decisions. The days where you are safe and content / wild and free. Where you can be confident in your choices and just be happy that you can be yourself.
Wednesday, May 8, 2019
Immortality
Yes, here at "Just Thinking", we cover only the most realistic, hard-hitting topics around.
I don't know that anyone actually cares about this anymore - seemed like more of a hot topic when I was younger / in grade school. On the off-chance that it is still on anyone's mind; living forever would suck, and here's why:
Think of how tired you are now. *shuts book, leaves*
If we were to extend the boundaries of realism for a moment and say that yes, we could live forever (or at least a very long time, indeed) if we so chose, there are many things to consider.
1. Once we choose to live forever, is there no takesies backsies? Is there a contract involved?
2. Do you get to know if your friends are on board / get to be eternal alongside you?
3. Will you be frozen at your current age forever, or just keep slowly decaying?
4. Is your mind to decay along with your body at its typically expected rate?
Imagine how demented you would be at even two-hundred. All of your friends and family are gone. You are perpetually drowning in an ocean of loneliness. No one to talk to. Nothing to really keep your mind socially sharp. The monotony of the daily agenda tucking away at you, one marble at a time; eroding the last bits of humanity in you. Your mind is fading and your eyesight's getting worse - now you can't even read or learn to pass the time. Eternal boredom. In one way or another: you're a goner!
I wonder if we were only meant to live for so long, but now that we have medicine / healthcare / doctors / diagnosis, we can prolong the inevitable when really we shouldn't. Is this why our bodies have such problems in our old age? Because they weren't designed for more than a few decades? Remember in Medieval times (sure do!) when everyone started working at nine years old, got married at twelve and had a parade in their name if they made it past twenty-two? Who is to say that they "died young"? Perhaps Science and Evolution are watching us all, mouths agape, in great disbelief and childlike wonder.
"Omg, Science... He's ninety-eight and still going!"
"By all accounts, it doesn't add up!"
And what is the use? Of it all? That is to say, I am uncertain of our collective "purpose", if we even have one. So what bloody good does it do having all of us whinging on? I am not sure that even we know. Perhaps it all comes down to the instinct of survival: we don't know why or how, all we know is that we must keep living!
In my opinion, the minute my mind goes, the rest of me can exit along with it. I do not wish to live if it is to be a life of such desperate confusion. I never know where I am and need an extra hour in the morning to have someone convince me of my name? I'm out.
Of course all this immortality supposition is nonsense and is of absolutely no use to anyone. Unless I was aiming to portray just how painful it would be to have a "fun", theoretical conversation with me in real life.
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